Interesting. That means that even though there's something determining objective truth, they won't allow us to use this to gain knowledge that wasn't already attainable.
I'll bet it's the Authority.
[A beat. No spider, but...]
...eh, that one was probably a technicality. I would bet it was the Authority. Here, I'll take that.
[Ford, if Stan doesn't mind, will use the psychic test card to scoop the spider into a wide-mouthed beaker.]
Makes enough sense to me - making us deal with floods at all is part of their M.O. right? And how the bugs work is part of the flood, so you didn't get a bug 'cause it was vague enough to be true.
[This is the real reason Stan is here - as the resident expert liar. And since that logic tracks, he doesn't get another bug either.]
Eh, well. It was worth a shot, and it was worth it to watch you cough up your own daddy long legs.
[He laughs, though it's just good-natured ribbing.]
So, what now? Sounds like we can't get much from this place just by guessing. [He picks his words carefully, to try and reduce his chance of some kind of bug. It does, indeed, sound like that!] Got any other ideas?
...actually, I wanted to talk to you about the Stanowar.
It shouldn't be that much longer until it's complete. I got components from the Admiral that'll let us travel safely into Gravity Falls. As soon as it's spaceworthy, we can go and get the kids.
[It's a stupid question - it's not like Ford coughed up any bugs afterwards - but it just slips right out of Stan. It's the first real evidence that the Admiral actually follows through on his deals, and Stan is pleasantly surprised!]
And it works, right? It's gonna do what he says it'll do?
[Despite all the tentative questions, Stan's hopes are clearly pretty high up.]
...I haven't given it a field test yet. But I haven't heard anyone complain about a warden deal so far. Bill thinks I should test it with a drone first, but I'm not sure that's feasible, given how impossible to replace some of these components are. We've only got one trans-metaversal drive, and I don't want to risk losing it by sending it in unmanned.
Great! We'll have the kids outta there in no ti-- I mean, a month or two! A month or two assuming everything goes according to plan.
[YOU CAN'T CATCH HIM, BUG FLOOD!!!]
Ugh, this stupid flood might almost be worse than the last thing that happened here. At least that alternate barge me wasn't in danger of coughing up crickets or choking on bees trying to have a normal conversation!
[Of course, no one's mentioned bees before now but now that Stan's brought it up, Ford might notice his cheek does look a little swollen. He isn't allergic and he has a large jaw, so it isn't comically over-sized swelling, but it's still there and has been for most of the day.]
I dunno. I was talking to someone on the network, and all of a sudden I had a pissed off bee in my mouth! I... [He frowns.] I don't think I was lying about anything? We didn't even talk that much, just some chit-chat about the flood and how terrible it is.
She broke the news about all the bugs and that it happens when you lie, we bickered a little about whether it was better than the last one or not. It wasn't that though, it was...she pointed out it was just a week and she talked me up a little and when I said I could handle a week of this I got stung.
[This doesn't immediately cause any bees, since he's just recounting what happened. But it doesn't change that he's frustrated about the whole thing, and he crosses his arms.]
The whole thing's stupid. Most of what I do is lie, so it could be pretty much anything!
[That though. That does it. The bee that just appeared hasn't stung him, not yet, but he can feel and hear the buzzing in his mouth, and on instinct he shuts his mouth tight. It doesn't solve the problem, but it certain prevents him from saying things that will make more bees appear.]
Of course, he can't open his mouth and reply, or the bee might move and sting him, so he tries to look as nonchalant as possible. It isn't an answer, but a silent assertion that no, he's fine! He's completely fine, he just has...
...two. He just has two bees in his mouth now. Oh no. He goes from pretending to be okay to not at all okay pretty quick after that. One hand over his mouth, one hand blindly reaching around for the bucket even though bees can fly and a bucket will absolutely not help him.]
[STANFORD PINES HAS NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT HE ASSUMES IT'S BEES AND HE MOVES IN WITH THE FLYSWATTER HELD LIKE A BASEBALL BAT. BRING IT, BEES. NO ONE IS STINGING FORD'S BROTHER WHILE HE'S AROUND. IF HE GETS A SHOT HE'S TAKING IT.]
He can't hide it any longer. The bucket, as previously predicted, doesn't actually help aside from giving him something to hold onto. It's really hard to cough up something that can fly and it takes him a minute or so to encourage them to get the hell out of his mouth - and it's infinitely harder to do with two bees instead of one.
Bee one gets spit out (and seems a little dazed, bobbing around from the high velocity of that) and it's right about then that bee 2 decides it doesn't like being jostled so much.]
Ow! Son of a bitch!
[And there goes bee 2, spit out more easily. Stan sits there afterwards and holds his cheek.]
[Bee 1 receives no mercy. Ford, they're endangered. Ford, they're pollinators. Ford, you could have put them in the greenhouse. Nope, that bee meets its end on the business end of a forty-year-old flyswatter.]
[Stan's still holding his face, but he's trying to shoo bee 2, which has decided it wants to hang around too close to Stan's face now that it's out of his mouth.]
There were two of 'em! Kill it, kill it!
[It doesn't answer either question, but it's the truth, so the flood gives him a pass for it.]
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2020-07-30 08:52 pm (UTC)Hmph! Incorrect.
[He moves in to peer at the bug though.]
Is that a cellar spider?
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Date: 2020-07-30 09:03 pm (UTC)[Stan turns his hand once it reaches the edge so it still has a place to crawl, and holds it out to Ford.]
I dunno if we're ranking them, but it was definitely less gross than the cricket.
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Date: 2020-07-30 09:08 pm (UTC)I'll bet it's the Authority.
[A beat. No spider, but...]
...eh, that one was probably a technicality. I would bet it was the Authority. Here, I'll take that.
[Ford, if Stan doesn't mind, will use the psychic test card to scoop the spider into a wide-mouthed beaker.]
Your grossness ranking is noted.
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Date: 2020-07-30 09:29 pm (UTC)[This is the real reason Stan is here - as the resident expert liar. And since that logic tracks, he doesn't get another bug either.]
It's why vague lies work better.
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Date: 2020-08-02 01:56 am (UTC)Okay. I've got an idea of what to expect, but I'm still going to give it a try.
Breach worlds are real.
[No bug.]
The damage we leave behind does not get undone. Hrk!
[Cough. Cough!! Out comes a daddy longlegs!!]
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Date: 2020-08-02 02:13 am (UTC)[Something about watching Ford cough up bugs makes him feel like they're little kids again, even if it's objectively very gross.]
So uh - was that what you thought was gonna happen?
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Date: 2020-08-02 02:18 am (UTC)I was hoping for confirmation one way or another but.....yes, that's what I expected to happen.
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Date: 2020-08-02 02:41 am (UTC)[He laughs, though it's just good-natured ribbing.]
So, what now? Sounds like we can't get much from this place just by guessing. [He picks his words carefully, to try and reduce his chance of some kind of bug. It does, indeed, sound like that!] Got any other ideas?
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 02:44 am (UTC)It shouldn't be that much longer until it's complete. I got components from the Admiral that'll let us travel safely into Gravity Falls. As soon as it's spaceworthy, we can go and get the kids.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 03:00 am (UTC)[It's a stupid question - it's not like Ford coughed up any bugs afterwards - but it just slips right out of Stan. It's the first real evidence that the Admiral actually follows through on his deals, and Stan is pleasantly surprised!]
And it works, right? It's gonna do what he says it'll do?
[Despite all the tentative questions, Stan's hopes are clearly pretty high up.]
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Date: 2020-08-02 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 03:18 am (UTC)It's risky, but so are a lot of stupid things Stan's done for the kids.]
So how much longer, you think? Until the thing's spaceworthy, I mean.
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Date: 2020-08-02 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 04:22 am (UTC)[YOU CAN'T CATCH HIM, BUG FLOOD!!!]
Ugh, this stupid flood might almost be worse than the last thing that happened here. At least that alternate barge me wasn't in danger of coughing up crickets or choking on bees trying to have a normal conversation!
[Of course, no one's mentioned bees before now but now that Stan's brought it up, Ford might notice his cheek does look a little swollen. He isn't allergic and he has a large jaw, so it isn't comically over-sized swelling, but it's still there and has been for most of the day.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 12:28 am (UTC)[That's significantly more unpleasant than anything Ford's observed so far.]
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Date: 2020-08-03 12:50 am (UTC)I dunno. I was talking to someone on the network, and all of a sudden I had a pissed off bee in my mouth! I... [He frowns.] I don't think I was lying about anything? We didn't even talk that much, just some chit-chat about the flood and how terrible it is.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 12:54 am (UTC)[Then it occurs to him what a bad idea this might be.]
--hang on! Just a minute. Don't say anything yet.
[Ford goes over to a cabinet. He pulls out a flyswatter. Comes back.]
Now do you remember what it was you said?
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 01:19 am (UTC)She broke the news about all the bugs and that it happens when you lie, we bickered a little about whether it was better than the last one or not. It wasn't that though, it was...she pointed out it was just a week and she talked me up a little and when I said I could handle a week of this I got stung.
[This doesn't immediately cause any bees, since he's just recounting what happened. But it doesn't change that he's frustrated about the whole thing, and he crosses his arms.]
The whole thing's stupid. Most of what I do is lie, so it could be pretty much anything!
[That though. That does it. The bee that just appeared hasn't stung him, not yet, but he can feel and hear the buzzing in his mouth, and on instinct he shuts his mouth tight. It doesn't solve the problem, but it certain prevents him from saying things that will make more bees appear.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 01:22 am (UTC)....Stanley?
[Something wrong?]
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Date: 2020-08-03 01:37 am (UTC)Of course, he can't open his mouth and reply, or the bee might move and sting him, so he tries to look as nonchalant as possible. It isn't an answer, but a silent assertion that no, he's fine! He's completely fine, he just has...
...two. He just has two bees in his mouth now. Oh no. He goes from pretending to be okay to not at all okay pretty quick after that. One hand over his mouth, one hand blindly reaching around for the bucket even though bees can fly and a bucket will absolutely not help him.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 01:57 am (UTC)He can't hide it any longer. The bucket, as previously predicted, doesn't actually help aside from giving him something to hold onto. It's really hard to cough up something that can fly and it takes him a minute or so to encourage them to get the hell out of his mouth - and it's infinitely harder to do with two bees instead of one.
Bee one gets spit out (and seems a little dazed, bobbing around from the high velocity of that) and it's right about then that bee 2 decides it doesn't like being jostled so much.]
Ow! Son of a bitch!
[And there goes bee 2, spit out more easily. Stan sits there afterwards and holds his cheek.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 02:55 am (UTC)Stanley! Are you alright? Did it get you?
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 03:04 am (UTC)There were two of 'em! Kill it, kill it!
[It doesn't answer either question, but it's the truth, so the flood gives him a pass for it.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-03 03:09 am (UTC)Then, Ford does what any sane man would do: he pulls out a ray gun and fries it.
There's a scorchmark on the wall with a little bee-shape in the middle. He'll scrub it down later.]
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