Horrible. He convinced me that the only way to complete my research was to build an interdimensional portal. He said it would lead to the dimension that all of the weirdness was coming from.
Instead, it led to him. He was trapped in an unstable, decaying, nondimensional space, and he'd been planning to use me to get out of it.
[He takes a drink.]
He's been trying to physically reach our world for thousands of years, Stan. The pyramids used to look like him, but the arms all fell off. George Washington made a deal with him to win the Revolutionary War, which is why his face is on all our currency. He even helped Stanley Kubrick fake the moon landing!
Sounds like he hasn't gotten that far if he's been trying that long.
[Sure, Bill almost destroyed their world, but Stan refuses to be impressed. He takes a swig of his own drink and mulls it over though - and probably skips a few steps to cut to the chase.]
So, he's your ex? You got back together with your ex?
[Even Ford has to know that never ends well, right? ...Right?]
No! I told you, nothing happened before the Barge! True, I admit, I had some -- unprofessional feelings back when I thought he was actually going to help me, and he developed a huge crush sometime in the '90s, but we were never involved!
[Even in this serious conversation, making Ford uncomfortable about a crush is always funny, so Stan can't help laughing at the reaction. It's entertaining, but the moment doesn't last.]
Then you got together after that whole... [Fuck, he already forgot the name of it.] ...Weird Apocalypse thing. What changed?
[Ford's shoulders slump, and he looks down at his scotch glass.]
A lot of things.
When I first showed up here, I hated him. I couldn't believe that he was still alive. It seemed so unfair, that after everything we'd done, after everything you sacrificed, that someone had decided to bring him back! I thought the Admiral had to be an idiot to take the risk, and I knew that if Bill had enough time, he would find a way to escape. He's been around for trillions of years, and he's destroyed entire universes before. I was torn. Did I trust the Admiral to keep him here, or did I need to find a way to stop him again?
At first, I....I tried to let it go. He wasn't my problem anymore. The Admiral brought him back, and the Admiral could deal with him. I just wanted to learn whatever it was I needed to in order to graduate, and then go back home. For the first few months, I just ignored him!
But then I met Steve, who had damaged the Barge's systems before. If he could do it, so could Bill. I had to admit that this place wasn't secure.
Uh. ...None of that sounds like a reason to get "involved" with somebody. [Finger quotes and everything, since he's stealing Ford's word for it.] And I oughta know! I've had terrible reasons to date people!
I'm getting there! First I have to explain why I decided to even give him the time of day, after everything he did to you and the kids!
Anyway, I knew the Barge wasn't a safe place to keep him, but I also couldn't fight him here. Even if I managed to kill him, he'd just come back! On top of that, everyone and their brother was giving me the same advice: stop fighting him, because people just get hurt. So, when he had an emotional breakdown, let me out of an old deal I'd made with him in the '80s, and admitted in a fit of rage that he actually cared about me, I thought that the most efficient way to make sure he wasn't a threat anymore and get back to our sailing adventure was to wait for Bill to graduate. After all, if Bill Cipher could develop an actual attachment to a human, that meant that whatever the Barge was doing had to be working. I'd just wait it out. Either he'd graduate or he'd disappear. And, since I figured being ignored by the one person he cared about would slow down the process, I agreed to talk to him.
When we were working on the portal, I....I made a deal with him to take over my body while I was asleep, so he could keep working while I rested. To...keep the project on schedule.
The point is, I had to deal with Bill differently on the Barge. I was still angry about what he did, but I had to find a way to move past it if I wanted to get anything done.
Let me see, did anything else important happen before the Bargeyard? We agreed to play Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons....Horseriver sacrificed me to give Bill a conscience for a few minutes...Bill was flirting but I had no idea....
Oh, yes. It was a blood ritual. Apparently, Horseriver had a score to settle and my blood was the only stuff that'd do. I was better within a week, and he graduated and left shortly after. I made sure it wouldn't happen again, though: my coat's got anti-magic wards on it, and I've made it so my blood can't be used for anything like that ever again.
That kind of thing happens around here, Stan. Sometimes, you just get killed! It's a little bit like taking a punch. It hurts, and you're sore for a while, but you can't punch back without ticking off all their friends. And, if you're a warden, getting demoted. Usually, revenge just isn't worth it.
...besides, some people are popular enough that they can kill a bunch of people in horrible ways and then nobody blinks when they start offering to give other people therapy.
[Stan sputters. Even though he's pretty flippant over his own mortality, he can't believe Ford would be like that. It actually kind of pisses him off enough to snap a little.]
I know people can die here, Ford! I got the spiel and that's not the problem! You don't get it!
[He blurts it out without thinking, a quick flare of temper that gets the better of him. Of course Ford doesn't get it. He wasn't the one who had to watch his brother get knocked overboard in a storm by some goddamn overgrown squid. He isn't the one whose brother sank into waves just two weeks after they'd finally made up.
As soon as he says it though, he realizes he doesn't actually want to talk about it, and it's enough to force him into a simmer. He crosses his arms and manages to pull back into just irritation.]
Ugh, just forget it! Alright, you got sacrificed so your shitty soon-to-be-boyfriend could have a conscience for two minutes. Next!
[Oh. Oh, he's said something insensitive again. Ford didn't think Stan didn't know people could die here. It was Stan's reaction to Ford getting sacrificed that made him think Stan wasn't as resolved to death as an everyday occurrence. He'd been trying to communicate that he, Ford, was okay with it, so Stan didn't have to be upset by it.
It's tempting to let Stan change the subject, to take the out and continue the story. But Ford actually pauses here, his eyebrows furrowing. Stan's important to him, and Ford wants to figure out where his misstep was.]
--I'm sorry, Stan. It's just that -- being killed doesn't mean what it used to, to me. That's what I was trying to explain. Getting used to it has -- it's helped me get by.
[But Ford dying, even though it isn't permanent, still upsets Stan. Ford probably shouldn't bring it up, if he can help it.]
It's all right. I'm okay, Stanley.
[annnnnd if he's missed the mark again they can just keep talking.]
[Stan bristles when Ford doesn't change the subject, when he circles back in to actually figure out what's wrong. He's never liked attention on more emotional issues, especially ones that don't have a clear-cut solution and answer. Stan can't look Ford in the eye while he's explaining himself, but the anger seems to have burned out.
Ford's...trying. That's still pretty new to Stan, even after a few weeks of it back home. It's still something that comes as a surprise. Unfortunately, it's a surprise that trips Stan up sometimes - like when he expects Ford to take the bait and change the subject instead of focusing on what's wrong with him.
Though, one thing does help. Tension slips out of his shoulders at Ford's insistence that he's okay. Because...well, he is. He's sitting right there across from him. He's alive - he even graduated, so it's not like Stan has to worry about that part. He really is okay.]
Yeah, yeah. I know. It's dumb. Don't worry about it.
[He tries to shrug it off, and takes what is probably a longer drink than is strictly necessary. Then, he forces up a grin. He's good! He's good. ...Hopefully Ford believes he's good.]
[...it's good enough. Ford doesn't trust that he's going to be able to work through this one right now. But he'll try to remember that him dying upsets Stan, even though it doesn't upset Ford. ...mostly.]
That's right. The Admiral took the ship in for overdue maintenance. You already know part of it -- that's where he failed that performance review and forced us all to run off with him. It's also where I met an alternate version of you and the kids -- and Bill.
You were an inmate on one ship, and the kids were wardens. The other Bill was a warden on a third ship, which means he had all of his powers. All he wanted was to trigger your memories and bring his alternate self back to life.
I tried so hard to prevent it. Tried every trick I knew! In the end, we lost -- and that Bill told me something disturbing. He said that the alternate Ford on his ship came from a world where the plan you came up with wasn't possible. That Ford had had to make a deal with him to save the kids, and that Bill had kept him alive. They were partners. In, ah, every sense of the word.
[Yes, that's his first immediate take away. Who the hell would make Bill Cipher a warden?
He's not terribly surprised to hear that he was an inmate. It just confirms what he already suspected - that he really toes the line, and that he should probably watch his step.]
Huh. Wonder why it wasn't? But the whole thing sounds kinda like... [He snaps his fingers a couple times.] What's that thing where you get kidnapped and get obsessed with the guy who kidnapped you again?
No! No, I did not date Bill to try to kill him! We explicitly agreed that that was a bad idea!
[He huffs.]
Apparently, that Ford is extremely depressed because of his circumstances and doesn't really care if he lives or dies as long as he takes Bill out with him.
[Ford hesitates. Does he say this? It'll be upsetting if he does. Stanley spent all that time working to get him back, and if he knows that the whole time Ford was ready to die if it meant Bill was gone for good...it feels disrespectful.]
It's different for me. I have the kids. I have you! And there's Bill, who has changed, even if he does very frustrating things sometimes. He's been there for me when not many other people were.
[But he's felt that way before. He felt that way for thirty years.]
[It clicks together with what Bill said earlier, and Stan...isn't sure how he feels about that. If it adds up this well, does that mean Bill actually is worried prolonged exposure to him will just make Ford worse and worse? It's a lot easier to hate the guy if his motives are clear-cut.]
How's he changed?
[Just being there doesn't feel like enough - not for a relationship. Jerks love being at the right place at the right time to take advantage of someone. Still, the question's pretty broad, so he narrows it down.]
I don't believe he would. He doesn't like you -- doesn't like any of you! But he knows I'd never forgive him if he did it again.
I'm important to him, Stan. Very important. It took a lot to convince me of that. He took risks, made compromises, put me first even when it wasn't easy, because he wanted me in his life. He'll stop if I ask him to. He'll tell me the truth! And he won't deliberately do anything he knows will make me want to have nothing to do with him.
....he's also given up on destroying life on a large scale, which I deeply appreciate, but that decision wasn't because of me.
[That's a little better, kind of. It still has its problems, sure (like, is he alright with destroying life on a small scale then? What does that even mean?) but it emphasizes what Ford's said all along.
It does mean Bill has a point though, and he hates admitting that.]
...So, what're you gonna do when we get outta here and we find another dimension? You said it yourself - he can't stand the rest of us!
[He doesn't like the insecurity pooling in his stomach, but he's gotta ask. He'll at least try to put it lightly.]
I know you don't know what's gonna happen, but I guess what I mean is, what do you want to happen?
[How serious are they, exactly? He's spent a lot of time teasing Ford about having a boyfriend, but he has no idea. Ford's important to Bill, but how important is Bill to Ford?]
[Ford cups his hands around the scotch glass and looks over at Stan.]
I want to be with my family again, without having to give up knowing him.
[He looks down at his drink.]
I want him to graduate. To be free again, without being a danger to life in the multiverse. If that happens, he's not going to spend the rest of our lives with us in Greendale. I want to set the kids up in a good dimension, with good schools and a little weirdness. Get everyone out of Gravity Falls who wants to go. I want to go on adventures with you. And -- I want to be able to see him, too, some of the time.
He offered to extend my life. Thirty years -- to make up for the thirty I spent stranded in the multiverse. To give me more time with you. With my family. I haven't decided yet if I want to take him up on it. But...I've thought about it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2020-05-23 11:48 pm (UTC)Instead, it led to him. He was trapped in an unstable, decaying, nondimensional space, and he'd been planning to use me to get out of it.
[He takes a drink.]
He's been trying to physically reach our world for thousands of years, Stan. The pyramids used to look like him, but the arms all fell off. George Washington made a deal with him to win the Revolutionary War, which is why his face is on all our currency. He even helped Stanley Kubrick fake the moon landing!
no subject
Date: 2020-05-23 11:59 pm (UTC)[Sure, Bill almost destroyed their world, but Stan refuses to be impressed. He takes a swig of his own drink and mulls it over though - and probably skips a few steps to cut to the chase.]
So, he's your ex? You got back together with your ex?
[Even Ford has to know that never ends well, right? ...Right?]
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Date: 2020-05-24 12:06 am (UTC)No! I told you, nothing happened before the Barge! True, I admit, I had some -- unprofessional feelings back when I thought he was actually going to help me, and he developed a huge crush sometime in the '90s, but we were never involved!
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Date: 2020-05-24 12:13 am (UTC)Then you got together after that whole... [Fuck, he already forgot the name of it.] ...Weird Apocalypse thing. What changed?
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 12:27 am (UTC)A lot of things.
When I first showed up here, I hated him. I couldn't believe that he was still alive. It seemed so unfair, that after everything we'd done, after everything you sacrificed, that someone had decided to bring him back! I thought the Admiral had to be an idiot to take the risk, and I knew that if Bill had enough time, he would find a way to escape. He's been around for trillions of years, and he's destroyed entire universes before. I was torn. Did I trust the Admiral to keep him here, or did I need to find a way to stop him again?
At first, I....I tried to let it go. He wasn't my problem anymore. The Admiral brought him back, and the Admiral could deal with him. I just wanted to learn whatever it was I needed to in order to graduate, and then go back home. For the first few months, I just ignored him!
But then I met Steve, who had damaged the Barge's systems before. If he could do it, so could Bill. I had to admit that this place wasn't secure.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 12:46 am (UTC)Uh. ...None of that sounds like a reason to get "involved" with somebody. [Finger quotes and everything, since he's stealing Ford's word for it.] And I oughta know! I've had terrible reasons to date people!
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Date: 2020-05-24 01:00 am (UTC)I'm getting there! First I have to explain why I decided to even give him the time of day, after everything he did to you and the kids!
Anyway, I knew the Barge wasn't a safe place to keep him, but I also couldn't fight him here. Even if I managed to kill him, he'd just come back! On top of that, everyone and their brother was giving me the same advice: stop fighting him, because people just get hurt. So, when he had an emotional breakdown, let me out of an old deal I'd made with him in the '80s, and admitted in a fit of rage that he actually cared about me, I thought that the most efficient way to make sure he wasn't a threat anymore and get back to our sailing adventure was to wait for Bill to graduate. After all, if Bill Cipher could develop an actual attachment to a human, that meant that whatever the Barge was doing had to be working. I'd just wait it out. Either he'd graduate or he'd disappear. And, since I figured being ignored by the one person he cared about would slow down the process, I agreed to talk to him.
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Date: 2020-05-24 01:18 am (UTC)Guess that makes sense, in a completely non-romantic way. What deal did he let you out of though?
[That seems like a big thing to just gloss over, pal!]
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Date: 2020-05-24 01:24 am (UTC)When we were working on the portal, I....I made a deal with him to take over my body while I was asleep, so he could keep working while I rested. To...keep the project on schedule.
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Date: 2020-05-24 01:31 am (UTC)[It's more out of exasperation and belated worry than anything else though, and it's worth a good swig of his drink.]
Sheesh, no wonder you were a wreck when I got there...
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Date: 2020-05-24 01:39 am (UTC)The point is, I had to deal with Bill differently on the Barge. I was still angry about what he did, but I had to find a way to move past it if I wanted to get anything done.
Let me see, did anything else important happen before the Bargeyard? We agreed to play Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons....Horseriver sacrificed me to give Bill a conscience for a few minutes...Bill was flirting but I had no idea....
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Date: 2020-05-24 01:46 am (UTC)You got sacrificed?!
[HE'S GONNA GIVE STAN A HEART ATTACK OVER HERE.]
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Date: 2020-05-24 02:09 am (UTC)Oh, yes. It was a blood ritual. Apparently, Horseriver had a score to settle and my blood was the only stuff that'd do. I was better within a week, and he graduated and left shortly after. I made sure it wouldn't happen again, though: my coat's got anti-magic wards on it, and I've made it so my blood can't be used for anything like that ever again.
That kind of thing happens around here, Stan. Sometimes, you just get killed! It's a little bit like taking a punch. It hurts, and you're sore for a while, but you can't punch back without ticking off all their friends. And, if you're a warden, getting demoted. Usually, revenge just isn't worth it.
...besides, some people are popular enough that they can kill a bunch of people in horrible ways and then nobody blinks when they start offering to give other people therapy.
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Date: 2020-05-24 02:31 am (UTC)I know people can die here, Ford! I got the spiel and that's not the problem! You don't get it!
[He blurts it out without thinking, a quick flare of temper that gets the better of him. Of course Ford doesn't get it. He wasn't the one who had to watch his brother get knocked overboard in a storm by some goddamn overgrown squid. He isn't the one whose brother sank into waves just two weeks after they'd finally made up.
As soon as he says it though, he realizes he doesn't actually want to talk about it, and it's enough to force him into a simmer. He crosses his arms and manages to pull back into just irritation.]
Ugh, just forget it! Alright, you got sacrificed so your shitty soon-to-be-boyfriend could have a conscience for two minutes. Next!
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 03:47 pm (UTC)It's tempting to let Stan change the subject, to take the out and continue the story. But Ford actually pauses here, his eyebrows furrowing. Stan's important to him, and Ford wants to figure out where his misstep was.]
--I'm sorry, Stan. It's just that -- being killed doesn't mean what it used to, to me. That's what I was trying to explain. Getting used to it has -- it's helped me get by.
[But Ford dying, even though it isn't permanent, still upsets Stan. Ford probably shouldn't bring it up, if he can help it.]
It's all right. I'm okay, Stanley.
[annnnnd if he's missed the mark again they can just keep talking.]
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 04:36 pm (UTC)Ford's...trying. That's still pretty new to Stan, even after a few weeks of it back home. It's still something that comes as a surprise. Unfortunately, it's a surprise that trips Stan up sometimes - like when he expects Ford to take the bait and change the subject instead of focusing on what's wrong with him.
Though, one thing does help. Tension slips out of his shoulders at Ford's insistence that he's okay. Because...well, he is. He's sitting right there across from him. He's alive - he even graduated, so it's not like Stan has to worry about that part. He really is okay.]
Yeah, yeah. I know. It's dumb. Don't worry about it.
[He tries to shrug it off, and takes what is probably a longer drink than is strictly necessary. Then, he forces up a grin. He's good! He's good. ...Hopefully Ford believes he's good.]
So, where were we? The Bargeyard or somethin'?
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 07:50 pm (UTC)That's right. The Admiral took the ship in for overdue maintenance. You already know part of it -- that's where he failed that performance review and forced us all to run off with him. It's also where I met an alternate version of you and the kids -- and Bill.
You were an inmate on one ship, and the kids were wardens. The other Bill was a warden on a third ship, which means he had all of his powers. All he wanted was to trigger your memories and bring his alternate self back to life.
I tried so hard to prevent it. Tried every trick I knew! In the end, we lost -- and that Bill told me something disturbing. He said that the alternate Ford on his ship came from a world where the plan you came up with wasn't possible. That Ford had had to make a deal with him to save the kids, and that Bill had kept him alive. They were partners. In, ah, every sense of the word.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 08:09 pm (UTC)[Yes, that's his first immediate take away. Who the hell would make Bill Cipher a warden?
He's not terribly surprised to hear that he was an inmate. It just confirms what he already suspected - that he really toes the line, and that he should probably watch his step.]
Huh. Wonder why it wasn't? But the whole thing sounds kinda like... [He snaps his fingers a couple times.] What's that thing where you get kidnapped and get obsessed with the guy who kidnapped you again?
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 08:14 pm (UTC)He slipped me a dark matter hypercannon so I could hold the other Bill off. He bought us time to capture him.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-24 08:20 pm (UTC)And...what, you went "Oh, dating a guy to kill him sounds great!" and went for it?
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Date: 2020-05-24 08:52 pm (UTC)No! No, I did not date Bill to try to kill him! We explicitly agreed that that was a bad idea!
[He huffs.]
Apparently, that Ford is extremely depressed because of his circumstances and doesn't really care if he lives or dies as long as he takes Bill out with him.
[Ford hesitates. Does he say this? It'll be upsetting if he does. Stanley spent all that time working to get him back, and if he knows that the whole time Ford was ready to die if it meant Bill was gone for good...it feels disrespectful.]
It's different for me. I have the kids. I have you! And there's Bill, who has changed, even if he does very frustrating things sometimes. He's been there for me when not many other people were.
[But he's felt that way before. He felt that way for thirty years.]
no subject
Date: 2020-05-25 02:45 am (UTC)How's he changed?
[Just being there doesn't feel like enough - not for a relationship. Jerks love being at the right place at the right time to take advantage of someone. Still, the question's pretty broad, so he narrows it down.]
...Would he do it again, if he could?
no subject
Date: 2020-05-25 03:47 am (UTC)I don't believe he would. He doesn't like you -- doesn't like any of you! But he knows I'd never forgive him if he did it again.
I'm important to him, Stan. Very important. It took a lot to convince me of that. He took risks, made compromises, put me first even when it wasn't easy, because he wanted me in his life. He'll stop if I ask him to. He'll tell me the truth! And he won't deliberately do anything he knows will make me want to have nothing to do with him.
....he's also given up on destroying life on a large scale, which I deeply appreciate, but that decision wasn't because of me.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-25 04:49 am (UTC)It does mean Bill has a point though, and he hates admitting that.]
...So, what're you gonna do when we get outta here and we find another dimension? You said it yourself - he can't stand the rest of us!
[He doesn't like the insecurity pooling in his stomach, but he's gotta ask. He'll at least try to put it lightly.]
I know you don't know what's gonna happen, but I guess what I mean is, what do you want to happen?
[How serious are they, exactly? He's spent a lot of time teasing Ford about having a boyfriend, but he has no idea. Ford's important to Bill, but how important is Bill to Ford?]
no subject
Date: 2020-05-25 06:33 pm (UTC)I want to be with my family again, without having to give up knowing him.
[He looks down at his drink.]
I want him to graduate. To be free again, without being a danger to life in the multiverse. If that happens, he's not going to spend the rest of our lives with us in Greendale. I want to set the kids up in a good dimension, with good schools and a little weirdness. Get everyone out of Gravity Falls who wants to go. I want to go on adventures with you. And -- I want to be able to see him, too, some of the time.
He offered to extend my life. Thirty years -- to make up for the thirty I spent stranded in the multiverse. To give me more time with you. With my family. I haven't decided yet if I want to take him up on it. But...I've thought about it.
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