She heads for her cabin because it's closer than the deck or the Enclosure
or the mess hall. The metal door slides open for them, and letting them
into a room that's fairly standard issue for a military spaceship. There's
a makeup table bolted to the floor alongside the desk, cosmetics carefully
stowed so that a period of null-gravity wouldn't make a mess of her makeup
and nailpolish. All the color in the room is from ribbons and makeup and a
couple dresses hanging in view rather than neatly tucked away.
Taura leaves the single chair in the room for Ford, settling herself
cross-legged on the bed that was her one real furnishing indulgence, larger
than anyone else's in the fleet. As such, it also takes up a bit more of
the cabin than would be ideal.
"That was the first breach where I had a family," she admits after a
moment. "And the first time I've had parents, in any life. You were a
good one."
He settles into the chair, facing the bed. Ford is frankly braced for a talking-to: a firm reminder that breaches are not part of their reality and that he is to pretend the breach never happened. He's ready for it, and it won't be precisely what his breach-self had been worried would happen gradually as Taura grew up and drifted away, and then, Taura tells him he was a good parent.
The resolute reply Ford had prepared, the assurance that he won't make it weird and will leave her alone, vanishes. His face turns from ready to agree to surprised; the wind goes right out of his sails.
"Oh," he says. "I, uh -- thank you."
He thinks? That that's right? How you respond to being told you were a good parent?
"I thought you were going to tell me not to have anything to do with you."
"Oh." Her face falls a little. She hesitates, then asks, "Is that what
you'd like to tell me?"
She'll listen, if it is, but will probably be at least a little hurt.
Taura doesn't know what to do with any of the lingering feelings she has
for Ford. She just knows that life is too short to stifle what you feel
without a damned good reason.
That makes two of them with feelings they don't know what to do with.
"I don't know," admits Ford, brows drawn up in worry. "I'm usually pretty good at moving on from breaches, but I've--I've never had children, before. True, I have a niece, and a nephew, who I love very much, but it--it isn't the same."
"No, it isn't." The Dendarii are her home and her family, and Taura loves
them dearly. Especially Miles, and Laureen, and Green Squad. But none of
them have that kind of familial relationship with her.
"Three years ago, I joined a mercenary fleet. They're the closest I've
ever had to a family. It was nice," a wholly inadequate word, "growing up
with people who cared about me, even if it wasn't real. Thank you for
that."
Ford's heart is a great big mess of emotions here. Some of the featured feelings are:
- love for his very good daughter - loss of his very good daughter - pain at breaches being not-real - regret that he has not yet untangled the watch-data from the breach so that he can change the subject to something safely scientific - concern at his not-daughter not having family until three years ago - is she eating enough?? - how does he say the right thing here without accidentally making her mad?? - feelings are uncomfortableeeee
Luckily(?), Ford is not good at processing feelings and tends to blurt whatever's on his mind.
"You were a good kid," he says. "I mean, I'm sure if you had been a little scamp, I'd have loved you just as much, but the way you were made it easy. Any parent would be lucky to have you."
A weird conversation to have, but one they are definitely having.
Her face softens (if it can be called that, what with her fangs) into a
smile at the praise. Taura leans forward and reaches out one big, clawed
hand to take Ford's for a second, squeezing gently.
"I was part of a small batch of experimental prototypes for genetically
modified soldiers, and the planet I grew up on is essentially an enormous,
well-organized black market." She's alright, though. "I'm well rid of
it. The people who made me can't have me back. I have better people now."
He squeezes her hand back. Both their hands are kind of weird, aren't they? Too big, genetic anomalies, but she isn't afraid to hold his hand and he isn't afraid to hold hers.
"I know something about what that's like, actually," he says. "Thanks to another transuniversal Barge event. Cloned, raised in a lab, meant to be a weapon." It hadn't ended well. Poor Weapon X-618. "Now, it wasn't exactly real either, and it wasn't the same as what happened to you, but I'm glad," he says, another word that isn't adequate to describe what he feels about someone he'd thought of as his daughter until a few days ago being raised in those conditions, "that you're out of it."
If the people who made Taura showed up right now and tried to take her back, Ford Pines would probably end up demoted. Sometimes that's just how it be.
No fear of that. Taura's experiment was scrapped, Taura was sold, and the
man who bought her afterward is very thoroughly dead now, thanks to
Mark. No loss there. Taura doesn't think Ryoval is redeemable, so she
certainly hopes he never shows up on the Barge. ...The scientists who made
her? Some of them might be, and she'd try to give them a fair chance here
as long as they didn't try to treat her as a test subject again.
"I'm sorry you know what it feels like."
She hesitates, then continues, "You still feel like my father. I
didn't expect that. I don't... expect anything from you if you don't want
to offer it, but I'd rather have some version of you in my life. It won't
be the same, but it could be good."
"I can't assume that what I know about you from the breach is the same," Ford says, slowly. Then, he offers her a sideways smile. "But," he adds, "I wouldn't mind finding out. I just hope you won't be diaappointed! I'm nothing but an old fool who's lost without his family, and I'm probably going to make mistakes."
"I never had a family in the first place," she reminds him. "I don't know
what I'm doing either, but I think it matters who you choose to care
about, and who chooses to care about you."
It's not the same as family you've had all along, but it can be just as
important. She has to believe that. And Ford mattered so much to her in
that other life.
"It seems worthwhile to get to know each other again."
"Well," Ford says, "in that case, I'd like to give it a try." The smile turns from sideways to sincere. "I, uh...I used to get breakfast with my warden, but I'm afraid my temporary houseguest has insisted on going together lately. What, uh...what would you like to do together?"
"I'm almost always hungry," Taura admits, "even with drugs to keep my
metabolism partway in check. Or I like exploring new places. We could use
the Enclosure. It's nice, getting to see planets nothing like any I've
visited before."
"I have seen a lot of unusual planets," Ford says, in the tone of someone who's just been asked to put a specialized skill to use. "...do you still like to go for runs?" he suggests.
"I do," she confirms, the eager smile on her face a measure of trust
in and of itself; Taura hates people flinching at her fangs. "It feels like
such a luxury to take them somewhere more interesting than a treadmill, or
laps around the ship."
No flinch here, just an answering, if a touch more shy, smile. Two years ago, or in the breach, it would have been broad and open, delighted to have the chance to show off all of the places he's seen. But Ford's been worn down to more hesitance, humbled again and again, and he's grateful to find acceptance here.
"Well, then," he says. "We can take turns choosing locations."
"Okay," she agrees, still smiling warmly. "I haven't visited too many
planets yet, but we can try some from my universe I haven't
seen after I run out."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 07:46 pm (UTC)She heads for her cabin because it's closer than the deck or the Enclosure or the mess hall. The metal door slides open for them, and letting them into a room that's fairly standard issue for a military spaceship. There's a makeup table bolted to the floor alongside the desk, cosmetics carefully stowed so that a period of null-gravity wouldn't make a mess of her makeup and nailpolish. All the color in the room is from ribbons and makeup and a couple dresses hanging in view rather than neatly tucked away.
Taura leaves the single chair in the room for Ford, settling herself cross-legged on the bed that was her one real furnishing indulgence, larger than anyone else's in the fleet. As such, it also takes up a bit more of the cabin than would be ideal.
"That was the first breach where I had a family," she admits after a moment. "And the first time I've had parents, in any life. You were a good one."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 07:59 pm (UTC)The resolute reply Ford had prepared, the assurance that he won't make it weird and will leave her alone, vanishes. His face turns from ready to agree to surprised; the wind goes right out of his sails.
"Oh," he says. "I, uh -- thank you."
He thinks? That that's right? How you respond to being told you were a good parent?
"I thought you were going to tell me not to have anything to do with you."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 08:09 pm (UTC)"Oh." Her face falls a little. She hesitates, then asks, "Is that what you'd like to tell me?"
She'll listen, if it is, but will probably be at least a little hurt. Taura doesn't know what to do with any of the lingering feelings she has for Ford. She just knows that life is too short to stifle what you feel without a damned good reason.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 08:20 pm (UTC)"I don't know," admits Ford, brows drawn up in worry. "I'm usually pretty good at moving on from breaches, but I've--I've never had children, before. True, I have a niece, and a nephew, who I love very much, but it--it isn't the same."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 07:35 pm (UTC)"No, it isn't." The Dendarii are her home and her family, and Taura loves them dearly. Especially Miles, and Laureen, and Green Squad. But none of them have that kind of familial relationship with her.
"Three years ago, I joined a mercenary fleet. They're the closest I've ever had to a family. It was nice," a wholly inadequate word, "growing up with people who cared about me, even if it wasn't real. Thank you for that."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 07:51 pm (UTC)- love for his very good daughter
- loss of his very good daughter
- pain at breaches being not-real
- regret that he has not yet untangled the watch-data from the breach so that he can change the subject to something safely scientific
- concern at his not-daughter not having family until three years ago
- is she eating enough??
- how does he say the right thing here without accidentally making her mad??
- feelings are uncomfortableeeee
Luckily(?), Ford is not good at processing feelings and tends to blurt whatever's on his mind.
"You were a good kid," he says. "I mean, I'm sure if you had been a little scamp, I'd have loved you just as much, but the way you were made it easy. Any parent would be lucky to have you."
A weird conversation to have, but one they are definitely having.
His expression falls a little bit.
"I'm sorry you didn't have that."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 08:10 pm (UTC)Her face softens (if it can be called that, what with her fangs) into a smile at the praise. Taura leans forward and reaches out one big, clawed hand to take Ford's for a second, squeezing gently.
"I was part of a small batch of experimental prototypes for genetically modified soldiers, and the planet I grew up on is essentially an enormous, well-organized black market." She's alright, though. "I'm well rid of it. The people who made me can't have me back. I have better people now."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 08:44 pm (UTC)He squeezes her hand back. Both their hands are kind of weird, aren't they? Too big, genetic anomalies, but she isn't afraid to hold his hand and he isn't afraid to hold hers.
"I know something about what that's like, actually," he says. "Thanks to another transuniversal Barge event. Cloned, raised in a lab, meant to be a weapon." It hadn't ended well. Poor Weapon X-618. "Now, it wasn't exactly real either, and it wasn't the same as what happened to you, but I'm glad," he says, another word that isn't adequate to describe what he feels about someone he'd thought of as his daughter until a few days ago being raised in those conditions, "that you're out of it."
If the people who made Taura showed up right now and tried to take her back, Ford Pines would probably end up demoted. Sometimes that's just how it be.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-08 04:52 pm (UTC)No fear of that. Taura's experiment was scrapped, Taura was sold, and the man who bought her afterward is very thoroughly dead now, thanks to Mark. No loss there. Taura doesn't think Ryoval is redeemable, so she certainly hopes he never shows up on the Barge. ...The scientists who made her? Some of them might be, and she'd try to give them a fair chance here as long as they didn't try to treat her as a test subject again.
"I'm sorry you know what it feels like."
She hesitates, then continues, "You still feel like my father. I didn't expect that. I don't... expect anything from you if you don't want to offer it, but I'd rather have some version of you in my life. It won't be the same, but it could be good."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-09 12:13 am (UTC)"I can't assume that what I know about you from the breach is the same," Ford says, slowly. Then, he offers her a sideways smile. "But," he adds, "I wouldn't mind finding out. I just hope you won't be diaappointed! I'm nothing but an old fool who's lost without his family, and I'm probably going to make mistakes."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 09:00 pm (UTC)"I never had a family in the first place," she reminds him. "I don't know what I'm doing either, but I think it matters who you choose to care about, and who chooses to care about you."
It's not the same as family you've had all along, but it can be just as important. She has to believe that. And Ford mattered so much to her in that other life.
"It seems worthwhile to get to know each other again."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-17 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 08:34 pm (UTC)"I'm almost always hungry," Taura admits, "even with drugs to keep my metabolism partway in check. Or I like exploring new places. We could use the Enclosure. It's nice, getting to see planets nothing like any I've visited before."
no subject
Date: 2019-11-28 01:06 am (UTC)"I have seen a lot of unusual planets," Ford says, in the tone of someone who's just been asked to put a specialized skill to use. "...do you still like to go for runs?" he suggests.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-29 03:55 am (UTC)"I do," she confirms, the eager smile on her face a measure of trust in and of itself; Taura hates people flinching at her fangs. "It feels like such a luxury to take them somewhere more interesting than a treadmill, or laps around the ship."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-02 10:20 pm (UTC)"Well, then," he says. "We can take turns choosing locations."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-04 04:03 am (UTC)"Okay," she agrees, still smiling warmly. "I haven't visited too many planets yet, but we can try some from my universe I haven't seen after I run out."