"NOT HERE, NOPE. MIGHT JUST HAVE TO TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!"
It's said ironically. Bill pauses. His frown twists.
"EVERYTHING WE DO IS SET UP. THIS CONVERSATION IS SET UP."
It's fucked up to try to have an emotional bond with someone like this. They're not real and you're not real and it's just two dolls being nudged together.
Ford gives Bill a dark look at the just have to trust me bit.
Is Bill taking that entertainment angle again? About how they're not here to be redeemed, they're here to be as amusing as possible?
"You really think we're still under--" how should he put it, "--authorial control?" It sounds like Ford's not sure of that. It doesn't feel like anyone's controlling him. There's no way to prove any of this from where they are.
Bill pulls up some grass with one hand, starts absently picking it apart. This isn't comfortable to talk about.
"LOOK, I DON'T KNOW. I'M PRETTY SURE I DIED BECAUSE THAT'S JUST HOW THE STORY WAS SUPPOSED TO END! EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL. IF WE'RE HEADED TOWARDS SOMETHING, IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE."
That brings a surge of very real anger out of Ford. He sacrificed for that victory -- Stanley gave up everything -- and it makes him angry that Bill's implying that it was just because it was how some writer wanted it to go.
Ford's temper flares, and for a moment, he looks on the verge of saying more, snapping back -- but then he pinches the brige of his nose and takes a quick breath.
"Alright! Alright. We're both dead, no use arguing about it."
But Ford is deeply resistant to reducing what happened at the end of Weirdmageddon to "just how it was supposed to end." Sure, there's the destiny element, but that's not what Ford was thinking about when he thought Stan's mind was gone forever. It wasn't a trivial thing, it wasn't just a beat in a story, it was his brother.
"I'm still not convinced you're right about this. That it's all just happening because that's how someone's decided it will. But I'll come with you. See for myself."
"What? Of course it does. We were in the Arctic Circle. It was dangerous, I was careless, I told Stan to run -- it's not exactly surprising that it was fatal."
"It felt climactic enough to me," Ford gripes. He feels his opinion matters most here, since he was the one who did the dying. "Besides, the Parallel!Stanley I met in the Bargeyard died the same way. Maybe there's a universe out there where neither of us dies, and it's just the ones who did that got taken by a Barge."
"I'm going to try to find answers," Ford says. "Proof of your theories -- or against them. Whether that comes from the man you mentioned, the Authority, or my own experiments -- I'm going to uncover the Barge's true purpose, and the nature of our reality."
If he's wrong, Ford will still go to the Authority for answers about the Barge. Shake them down a little, if that's what it takes. If it really is an incompetent redemption ship that clumsily grants wishes, well, Ford can work with that.
And if Bill is right, about everything, then...Ford is going to have a lot of reframing his understanding of existence to do. A whole whole lot. And then he'll have to figure out what's next -- for himself, and for his family.
"Maybe I would if I knew more for sure. But right now, there are too many unknown factors. I can't say what I'm going to do, exactly. Not yet."
It's true. He doesn't know if he's making the biggest mistake in existence by letting Bill off the Barge, or if the Authority really does deserve what's coming to them and he should be bursting through the wormhole into their world guns blazing. He doesn't know if meeting this creator figure is going to change everything. He doesn't know what it will mean to his family.
Ford reminds himself that Bill was going to make it there one way or another, with or without his help, and at least this way he's close enough to the situation to be able to make the call of whether or not to...
Mm.
Ford knows what he doesn't want to do. He knows he'll probably have to. Bill, at least, is not an unknown factor. He knows that hoping it doesn't come to that is probably useless. He also knows he doesn't want to talk about it.
He had used the way Bill thinks about this as a game to his advantage before, in the Bargeyard, in a successful distraction and play for time. It wouldn't have worked if Bill had had other priorities. This place, this dimension with the Authority and, let's call him the Director, is what both Bills have been after. They'll do anything to get there.
It won't be win or lose. If Ford tries to get in Bill's way, it'll be kill or be killed.
When it's time, he can't afford to hesitate. Bill won't. If Ford decides to move, he'll have to move. He feels a surge of apprehension, and a nervous sort of discomfort. He doesn't want to do this. Even though he knew this was how it was going to be from the beginning. Good thing what Ford wants doesn't matter here!
"That makes two of us," Ford replies. "It never was for me."
It doesn't sound to Ford like the first time Bill offered something like this. That time it had been a play for a formula that would have set Bill loose on Ford's dimension, and Ford hadn't believed a word of it. This time, though...it almost sounds like Bill's serious.
Ford glances over at him. As always, the look on Bill's face is hard to read. It's still a little bit new to him, after 30 years, that Bill wants him around enough to make compromises for it.
But, as always, it doesn't matter. Even if what Bill wants is for Ford to completely abandon his principles and come with him, that won't happen. It looks like they're in the awkward position of neither one really wanting the other to be dead, but heading for a situation where they won't have a choice except to kill the other. Too bad that's entirely unavoidable and there are no alternatives.
"I'll go with you as far as I can," Ford says.
He wants answers. But he knows how this is going to end.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2019-01-16 11:21 pm (UTC)It's said ironically. Bill pauses. His frown twists.
"EVERYTHING WE DO IS SET UP. THIS CONVERSATION IS SET UP."
It's fucked up to try to have an emotional bond with someone like this. They're not real and you're not real and it's just two dolls being nudged together.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 03:24 am (UTC)Is Bill taking that entertainment angle again? About how they're not here to be redeemed, they're here to be as amusing as possible?
"You really think we're still under--" how should he put it, "--authorial control?" It sounds like Ford's not sure of that. It doesn't feel like anyone's controlling him. There's no way to prove any of this from where they are.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 03:28 am (UTC)"LOOK, I DON'T KNOW. I'M PRETTY SURE I DIED BECAUSE THAT'S JUST HOW THE STORY WAS SUPPOSED TO END! EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL. IF WE'RE HEADED TOWARDS SOMETHING, IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 03:45 am (UTC)"Don't talk about what Stan did like that."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 03:58 am (UTC)"I'M CURRENTLY DYING AGAIN BECAUSE OF WHAT STAN DID, SIXER!"
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 04:33 am (UTC)"Alright! Alright. We're both dead, no use arguing about it."
But Ford is deeply resistant to reducing what happened at the end of Weirdmageddon to "just how it was supposed to end." Sure, there's the destiny element, but that's not what Ford was thinking about when he thought Stan's mind was gone forever. It wasn't a trivial thing, it wasn't just a beat in a story, it was his brother.
"I'm still not convinced you're right about this. That it's all just happening because that's how someone's decided it will. But I'll come with you. See for myself."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 04:37 am (UTC)"I DON'T REALLY GET WHY YOU'RE DEAD, SPEAKING OF. IT DOESN'T FIT RIGHT!"
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 05:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 05:02 am (UTC)"YEAH, BUT KIND OF ANTICLIMACTIC AFTER THE WHOLE APOCALYPSE, RIGHT?"
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 05:18 am (UTC)"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN WE GET IT WORKING?"
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 05:53 am (UTC)Bill props both hands behind his point. "THEN WHAT?"
What are you going to do if he's wrong?
What are you going to do if he's right?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 06:17 am (UTC)If he's wrong, Ford will still go to the Authority for answers about the Barge. Shake them down a little, if that's what it takes. If it really is an incompetent redemption ship that clumsily grants wishes, well, Ford can work with that.
And if Bill is right, about everything, then...Ford is going to have a lot of reframing his understanding of existence to do. A whole whole lot. And then he'll have to figure out what's next -- for himself, and for his family.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 06:28 am (UTC)Bill knows what he wants to do.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-17 04:08 pm (UTC)It's true. He doesn't know if he's making the biggest mistake in existence by letting Bill off the Barge, or if the Authority really does deserve what's coming to them and he should be bursting through the wormhole into their world guns blazing. He doesn't know if meeting this creator figure is going to change everything. He doesn't know what it will mean to his family.
Ford reminds himself that Bill was going to make it there one way or another, with or without his help, and at least this way he's close enough to the situation to be able to make the call of whether or not to...
Mm.
Ford knows what he doesn't want to do. He knows he'll probably have to. Bill, at least, is not an unknown factor. He knows that hoping it doesn't come to that is probably useless. He also knows he doesn't want to talk about it.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 12:45 am (UTC)Ring says: true.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 11:31 pm (UTC)He had used the way Bill thinks about this as a game to his advantage before, in the Bargeyard, in a successful distraction and play for time. It wouldn't have worked if Bill had had other priorities. This place, this dimension with the Authority and, let's call him the Director, is what both Bills have been after. They'll do anything to get there.
It won't be win or lose. If Ford tries to get in Bill's way, it'll be kill or be killed.
When it's time, he can't afford to hesitate. Bill won't. If Ford decides to move, he'll have to move. He feels a surge of apprehension, and a nervous sort of discomfort. He doesn't want to do this. Even though he knew this was how it was going to be from the beginning. Good thing what Ford wants doesn't matter here!
"That makes two of us," Ford replies. "It never was for me."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 11:44 pm (UTC)Bill props his hands behind his point again and crosses his legs, looks up at the fantastical stars.
"YOU SHOULD JUST COME WITH ME, Y'KNOW? I'M GOING TO FIGURE ALL THIS OUT."
A party that never ends, with a host that never dies. One of us, all-powerful.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-20 03:59 am (UTC)It doesn't sound to Ford like the first time Bill offered something like this. That time it had been a play for a formula that would have set Bill loose on Ford's dimension, and Ford hadn't believed a word of it. This time, though...it almost sounds like Bill's serious.
Ford glances over at him. As always, the look on Bill's face is hard to read. It's still a little bit new to him, after 30 years, that Bill wants him around enough to make compromises for it.
But, as always, it doesn't matter. Even if what Bill wants is for Ford to completely abandon his principles and come with him, that won't happen. It looks like they're in the awkward position of neither one really wanting the other to be dead, but heading for a situation where they won't have a choice except to kill the other. Too bad that's entirely unavoidable and there are no alternatives.
"I'll go with you as far as I can," Ford says.
He wants answers. But he knows how this is going to end.