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[mothmansplaining]

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"Stanford Pines. Leave a message."

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[mothmansplaining]

[he's touched. Ford's expression goes soft, and he leans in for a short but quietly affectionate kiss.]

[tetractys]

[Bill kisses him back, hums happily.]

...I'M NOT GOING TO STOP TRYING TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS.

[mothmansplaining]

[He looks at Bill with happiness and gratitude, and also respect.]

Good! I'm glad to hear it. You're better at getting people to listen than me, although at least Rose seemed willing to accept the idea.

[He gets hold of one of Bill's hands and winds their fingers together.]

[tetractys]

[Ford gets a kiss on one of his fingertips.]

YOU DROPPED THAT ONE ON HER, HUH?

[mothmansplaining]

[The kiss makes Ford's shoulders relax, his body losing some of its tension.]

Uh-huh.

[A quick brush of his fingertip over Bill's eyelid.]

I like her! I really think she means well. Even though she's hurt thousands and thousands of sentient lifeforms.

[tetractys]

HEY, APPARENTLY SO HAS THE ADMIRAL.

[Dry.]

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HER AND JASPER, ANYWAY?

[He sees nothing wrong with pushing - if it's not for Bill to know Ford will just shut him down.]

[mothmansplaining]

Oof. They're a complicated pair. Rose was keeping a secret that undermines the entire Gem War! It was a bad situation all around, and Jasper got a particularly bad deal out of it. Poor gem -- she was distraught when Rose told her the truth.

[tetractys]

UH HUH.

THIS JUST GETS MORE COMPLICATED WHEN YOU DIG INTO IT, THEN?

[Sympathetic. It's kind of Ford's permanent problem now.]

[mothmansplaining]

I'm afraid so. But I've read her inmate file -- we went through it together, to make sure everything in it was accurate. So, unless there's something that's been left out for dramatic effect, there shouldn't be any more surprises.

[tetractys]

YEAH, BIG 'UNLESS.'

[mothmansplaining]

Have you heard of one being incomplete before?

[Good data to have.]

[tetractys]

NO. BUT, Y'KNOW, IT COVERS HER LIFETIME, RIGHT? WHAT ABOUT HER GOVERNMENT? OR HER KID?

[mothmansplaining]

We've gone over the Diamond regime, but it's true I don't know much about Steven.

[tetractys]

[Bill lapses into silence for a moment.]

SHOULD I BE WORRIED ABOUT YOU? HOW CLOSE IS SHE TO WHAT JASPER SAYS SHE IS?

[mothmansplaining]

[This!! This is so nice, being cared about and looked out for because he matters to Bill! Without having to try to navigate the added complicated factor of knowing at any second he could have to run damage control negotiations! Gosh. Ford's just very warm right now.]

Oh, don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

[sorry, he's distracted by how nice it feels to be confident in how much he matters here, and secure in the knowledge that Bill cares about this.]

What's Jasper saying, exactly?

[tetractys]

THAT SHE'S RUNNING SOME KIND OF CULT, I THINK!

THAT'S THE IMPLICATION, ANYWAY! IT'S HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S TRUE AND WHAT'S JUST JASPER BEING NOT THAT BRIGHT!

[mothmansplaining]

[...it bothers him a little to hear Jasper put down like that. She's volatile and dangerous, but she also has feelings Ford understands. Ford wasn't that bright, either, for summoning something he had explicitly been told not to summon. But he's not going to choose now to stan for her, not going to derail the conversation.]

I doubt that's the case. She broke with an authoritarian regime that creates life-forms with a specific purpose in mind. Their existence is highly specialized, tightly controlled, and they reproduce by draining other planets of their resources, leading to the extinction of the native life. The Crystal Gems were a rebellion against the Diamonds, and from what Rose has told me, they all had their own reasons for joining up. I don't think it was coercion.

[tetractys]

AH, GOOD OL' SCRAPPY REBELLION.

[Those kids are fun.]

SOUNDS LIKE LUKE!

[mothmansplaining]

Maybe, if the Empire was also in charge of procreation.

Which is a very disturbing thought.

[One he very much regrets having.]

[tetractys]

YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP HER?

[A question phrased like a mechanic looking at a machine. Is it fixable?]

[mothmansplaining]

I'm going to try, but not in the way you mean. If there's something the Admiral wants her to learn, I'm not going to be able to pick it out. Even if I did, and I tried to tell her about it, knowing my social skills, it'd probably backfire.

But I'm going to do my best to make things easier. The Barge is traumatic no matter how you look at it, but she won't be going through it alone. Or without access to the bar!

[tetractys]

BUDDY, IF YOU KEEP SAYING THAT IT'S GONNA BECOME A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY. NOT THAT I WANT YOU TO BE LISTENING TO THE ADMIRAL. SCREW THAT GUY.

[mothmansplaining]

But it's true! I know I'm no good at telling what's acceptable and what isn't. Being on the Barge has proven that! The best I can do is try not to hurt anybody, and she doesn't want to hurt anyone either! I don't know where to go from there!

[A beat. Then, resentfully:]

There's no logic to graduation standards. Everyone's are different. I have no idea what I'm doing. I just know I can't leave yet.

[tetractys]

OH, NO, THAT PART'S MESSED UP. TRYING TO FIGURE OUT GRADUATION STANDARDS WAS HOW I CAME TO THE IDEA THAT THERE'S A COUNCIL THAT RUNS THIS PLACE RATHER THAN JUST THE ADMIRAL. IT'S NUTS.

[mothmansplaining]

...Jon has a theory that wardens don't exist to tell their inmates how to be good. They aren't supposed to identify problems that their inmate has to work on before they graduate. He thinks that the purpose of a warden is to be a companion, someone to go through all of the things the Barge throws at us with their inmate, until their inmate changes due to its influence.

I have my doubts that that's how the system is supposed to work, and I'm positive most wardens don't think that way. My first warden gave me homework!

...but considering the purpose of the ship is entertainment, it might be an approach worth trying. No one's going to want to watch an inmate who immediately fixes their behavior once someone points out to them what they're doing wrong. It isn't like fixing a machine, it's...it's getting them through the story someone else has in mind.