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[mothmansplaining]

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"Stanford Pines. Leave a message."

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[mothmansplaining]

Ford walks directly into the kitchen, and, after ascertaining that it isn't on fire, trashed, or both, announces:

"All right, what do you want?"

[beejfu]

He turns from the stove, wearing a very attractive apron, very flattering thanks. Betelgeuse's arms spread accusingly.

"Can't a guy make his roommate breakfast without wanting anything? Wow, Ford, way to trust people."

He turns back to the stove, grumbling.

[mothmansplaining]

It might be a welding apron, if he got it out of Ford's stuff.

"I'm trusting you to tell me what your angle is." He moves toward the kitchen table, sitting down.

??? What's this book? It wasn't here before.

[beejfu]

Ford seems like the kind of nerd to enjoy a book. So BJ dug through all his crap in his cabin until he found it;

The Handbook for the Recently Deceased

"My angle is that I want to graduate and get back to being alive. And I was told that making you miserable was the precise opposite way of doing that."

He sets a plate of breakfast food out in front of Ford.

"So here. Peace offering and a present."

[mothmansplaining]

Ford looks down at both, then back up at Betelgeuse.

Honesty agreement's still on. If this turns out horrible, Ford can kick the guy out. It's....probably okay. And turning it down would probably be insulting, hurtful, and distrustful.

"If anything horrible and unexpected happens that I should have known about beforehand, I will consider this a breach of trust," Ford says. He cuts into the eggs, giving Betelgeuse a beat to back out of this if it's a trick or something else nasty, and then he'll eat it.

Because, honestly, even if Betelgeuse put bugs in it or something, Ford has eaten worse things. He has eaten so many bugs. He has eaten a planet.

[beejfu]

He grimaces when Ford looks at him, like a guilty kid unsure what he's in trouble for yet.

The eggs are decent, if slightly runny. They could use some salt.

[mothmansplaining]

Okay. Breakfast accepted.

Ford isn't fussy about runniness or salt; these eggs are perfectly good.

"Hm."

He'll continue to eat them, and the meat, as they talk.

"Is this book part of it, or did you just leave it out?" Seems unlikely that Betelgeuse was doing light bedtime reading, knowing the guy.

[beejfu]

"That's for you. Happy whatever. Or apologies, or something." He sulks a bit, unsure what to do. He's never apologized to someone and meant it. But Bill knows what's up, and BJ likes him enough to trust that he knows what to do with Ford.

Not trust him completely, mind. He's not an idiot.

"Figured you were the kinda guy who'd like a book that teaches you all kinds of crap about ghosts."

[mothmansplaining]

"'Happy apologies'?" Ford repeats, like he's trying to parse what Betelgeuse means, then it clicks. "Wait, is this for waking me up, haunting my house, and then putting my reaction on the network?" he asks. "Or is it purely for graduation points?"

[beejfu]

Shocked face.

"I could've used this for graduation points?!"

Guess that answers your question, Ford.

[mothmansplaining]

"I don't know," Ford says, because he's not sure how else to express his surprise. "It's an imprecise and uneven system! Being nice at all, even if it's just to get what you want, might count!"

The Admiral is a capricious fucker and Betelgeuse is starting off really very bad.

[beejfu]

"For real? Holy crap. This might just work!" He exclaims happily, and starts to pick off the frying pan to get at the burnt crunchy bits for his own breakfast.

[mothmansplaining]

Ford stabs the sausage with a fork thoughtfully. He really doesn't want to get too involved here, so, he'll just keep treating Betelgeuse as fairly as he can and go from there.

"Thank you for breakfast, and the book."

[beejfu]

"Mmn? Yeah. No big." He points a fork at Ford and the book.

"Don't go fucking around with that, all right? It's got spells and shit that can really mess up my day."

[mothmansplaining]

Gray eyebrows arch.

"I'm surprised you're letting me have it," Ford says. Not because he has any malicious designs, but because Betelgeuse sure is just handing out stuff that can hurt him. It's another difference from Bill, who, when a spell messed up his day, designed measures to prevent it happening again that Ford is still wearing.

[beejfu]

"Because I know you won't fuck around with it." He tells him, huffy about being called out on trusting other people.

"You already protected me. So far as I'm concerned, we're pals. DON'T read the chapter on exorcisms. Not because that wouldn't hurt like a sonovabitch - it would - but because it would demote the crap out of you."

[mothmansplaining]

"You don't want me to read it at all?" Ford asks, in an I want to be perfectly clear tone. It's a little unclear to him here if the exorcism would hurt and lead to demotion, or if reading the chapter itself would cause pain and demotion.

If it's a hard no, well...he'll respect that. Secret room, forbidden chapter, it's cool.

[beejfu]

"Well, not out loud." He tells him, picking at the grout in the kitchen table and...eating it. Gross.

"You're basically reciting a spell that kills me. Or usually any nearby dead person, of which most are inmates."

[mothmansplaining]

"Ah. I see," says Ford, who really does appreciate how a potentially horrible accident has just been headed off.

"Thank you for warning me! Luckily, I'm quite capable of reading silently, and have no intention of using a spell like that.

[beejfu]

"Yeah. No big." He shudders a full body shudder that goes from his toes to the tips of his ears. Being nice sucks.

[mothmansplaining]

Ford notices it that time.

"What was that?"

[beejfu]

Whoops.

"Nothing."

[mothmansplaining]

"Are you sick?"

[beejfu]

"Probably."

[mothmansplaining]

"We both know the metaphorical answer to that is yes, Betelgeuse. I'm asking literally."