YOU'RE NOT LIKE HIM. YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT HE'S LIKE INSIDE HIS HEAD, ALL HE THINKS ABOUT IS HOW PEOPLE SHOULD BE ADMIRING HIM. ...THE BLUE GUY, NOT STAN. I'VE BEEN IN STAN'S HEAD TWICE, BUT IT'S WEIRD IN THERE.
HE THOUGHT HE COULD GET OUT OF THE FACT THAT PEOPLE ARE BASICALLY HORRIBLE BY BEING NICE TO THEM, AND THEN WHEN EVERYONE DIDN'T FALL ALL OVER HIM EVEN THOUGH HE WAS NICE AND SMART AND MAGICAL, HE GOT REAAAAAALLY ANGRY AND RESENTFUL, AND KEPT IT ALL INSIDE EXCEPT FOR ENJOYING IT WHEN HE COULD MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD WITHOUT IT LOOKING LIKE HE WAS DOING IT ON PURPOSE.
[This with Bill's usual 'YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH OF UNCERTAINTY!' bluntness, at about 100 miles per hour.]
HAHAHAHA, HE WAS MISERABLE. AND NOW HE'S DEAD! WELL, I'M DEAD TOO. EVEN MORE DEAD THAN ME!
[Bill draws a tombstone in the moon dust on the ground.]
DON'T THINK HE EVER EVEN WENT TO EARTH! SO HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FROM YOUR GUY'S UNIVERSE. PROBABLY IT WAS ALL FAKE. DID THE WATCHES SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT?
All I got was that the mirror-planes we saw changing things were made from the same Barge as this one, just with different calibrations. The other Ford never made the watches, so....they stopped transmitting once the wearer was on the other side.
[Ford -- nods. He does. He doesn't even think he was that bad on the mirror ship, all things considered!]
I know. But if we think about it in story terms, I am the twin who showed up halfway through the plot with a mysterious past and a lot of dangerous machines! That's evil-twin behavior if you ask me.
He's also not sure he agrees about Steve (though he will, in a few weeks) but is quickly distracted by the flag. He gestures with his drink as he suggests:]
[The guy doesn't even want a room, he wants to sit in an empty cabin. What?]
YES. LET'S GO FIND IT AND SEE WHAT WE CAN STICK ON IT. THERE'S A TON OF RANDOM TRASH THEY LEFT, ACTUALLY, YOU'D THINK THEY WERE CAMPING IN A WINNEBAGO INSTEAD OF VISITING YOUR ONLY MOON. C'MON!
[Ford knocks back the rest of his drink, and they're off.
This is going to be an atrocity. This is vandalism of a historic scientific achievement. Ford has several writing implements with him meant to make marks in inhospitable environments. Most likely, someone's boxers are going to fly on that flagpole. They're going to be a pair of gremlins about this.]
[Bill cackles the entire time and is enabling all of this.
There are also pieces of landers and rockets - a TON of them, from five or six different countries. A working Chinese rover grinds on by and Bill draws himself on it.]
[Should Ford be cannibalizing rocket parts while drinking? No, he absolutely should not. But he's doing it anyway.
He puts together a tiny rocket with a tiny little engine, just barely stable enough for ignition, lights it, then lets it go. The thing flies away in screaming loop-de-loops for a few seconds, then explodes into scrap metal and scorch marks.]
[Bill claps like it's a fireworks show, blinks and has his pupil turn into a black number 10. TOP SCORE! He loops his arm fondly around Ford's shoulders.]
[Ford snaps a photo of the scene. It's not particularly artistically composed, but it gets the idea across: they're on the moon, that's Earth back there, and the moon has been trashed.]
[They screw around with the camera for a bit. Underpants flag gets chronicled. Bill tries to show Ford how to do a selfie, but it's hard with a Polaroid camera and duckface is hard to demonstrate with no cheeks.]
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[He would be mean. Bill would cry. Ford would never hear the end of it, ever, for months.]
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[This with Bill's usual 'YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH OF UNCERTAINTY!' bluntness, at about 100 miles per hour.]
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[S a r c a s m.]
Talk about taking the wrong approach on that boat.
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[Bill draws a tombstone in the moon dust on the ground.]
DON'T THINK HE EVER EVEN WENT TO EARTH! SO HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FROM YOUR GUY'S UNIVERSE. PROBABLY IT WAS ALL FAKE. DID THE WATCHES SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT?
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All I got was that the mirror-planes we saw changing things were made from the same Barge as this one, just with different calibrations. The other Ford never made the watches, so....they stopped transmitting once the wearer was on the other side.
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It's lucky no one ever installed metal detectors.
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LOOK, IF THEY DIDN'T WANT METAL IN THEM THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD SKIN THAT WAS SO PUNCTUREABLE!
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LOOK, FORD, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE BAD ONE, RIGHT? STANLEY WAS EVIL ON THE OTHER SHIP, TOO, THAT ONE COMES OUT EVEN!
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I know. But if we think about it in story terms, I am the twin who showed up halfway through the plot with a mysterious past and a lot of dangerous machines! That's evil-twin behavior if you ask me.
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LIKE HOW STEVE KEEPS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MISERABLE HE CAN MAKE HIMSELF ON PURPOSE. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT?
[Ooh, wait.]
THAT REMINDS ME, WE HAVEN'T FOUND THE FLAG YET.
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He's also not sure he agrees about Steve (though he will, in a few weeks) but is quickly distracted by the flag. He gestures with his drink as he suggests:]
We should find it, and replace it.
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YES. LET'S GO FIND IT AND SEE WHAT WE CAN STICK ON IT. THERE'S A TON OF RANDOM TRASH THEY LEFT, ACTUALLY, YOU'D THINK THEY WERE CAMPING IN A WINNEBAGO INSTEAD OF VISITING YOUR ONLY MOON. C'MON!
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This is going to be an atrocity. This is vandalism of a historic scientific achievement. Ford has several writing implements with him meant to make marks in inhospitable environments. Most likely, someone's boxers are going to fly on that flagpole. They're going to be a pair of gremlins about this.]
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There are also pieces of landers and rockets - a TON of them, from five or six different countries. A working Chinese rover grinds on by and Bill draws himself on it.]
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He puts together a tiny rocket with a tiny little engine, just barely stable enough for ignition, lights it, then lets it go. The thing flies away in screaming loop-de-loops for a few seconds, then explodes into scrap metal and scorch marks.]
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YOU'RE AMAZING, FORDSY.
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Ah, I've been brushing up on rocket science lately.
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[Ford surveys the damage that's been done. It is really something else, just how much they've fucked up this historic hard-to-reach site.]
...I'm gonna get a picture of this.
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[Ford snaps a photo of the scene. It's not particularly artistically composed, but it gets the idea across: they're on the moon, that's Earth back there, and the moon has been trashed.]
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