[Oh, oops. Bill can feel Ford's face heating up. He lets go.]
WHOOPS. JUST FRIENDS.
[The arcane rules of Just Friends are a game to Bill with no real emotional meaning - if you ask him, Ford is still his boyfriend and will be until he dies. And Bill does not intend to let him die. He has never particularly needed Ford's input on this matter, although at this point he has at least some idea that he should keep these concepts to himself. If Ford prefers that Bill pretends that Bill is not boyfriending him right now, Bill is going to do that for him.
(Never mind that they've broken up before, and the only difference now is that it wasn't Bill's idea. He is dealing with this by being firmly lodged in denial, which does not respond to logic.)]
IT'S LIKE ME WITHOUT MY TIE! ...I GUESS YOU'VE SEEN ME WITHOUT MY TIE, THOUGH. WHAT ABOUT WITHOUT MY EYELASHES, THAT'D BE WEIRD! ...ALTHOUGH I GUESS I'M STILL THE ONLY BEING OF PURE ENERGY THAT'S A TRIANGLE THAT YOU KNOW.... BUT YOU KEEP YOUR GLASSES ON EVEN WHEN THE - !
[Wait. Bill waves this last sentence away. F r i e n d s]
[Ford backs off, turning away just a little bit, but not in an unfriendly way -- just enough so he's not facing Bill fully anymore. It is important to Ford not to be boyfriended while trust is still in question! That just doesn't mean he doesn't miss being boyfriended. Remember, Pines, you're holding out for respect, and not being someone Bill tries to control. And that's why you're not getting boyfriended right now, even if you'd really, really like to be.
He picks up one of the drinks and is about to take a sip when Bill drops the implication about situations in which Ford leaves his glasses on. His eyes go wide, and he chokes a little, face flushing. F r i e n d s ! He's gonna take this drink, and compose himself, and answer.]
Yes, I--I suppose I can see how it would be confusing, if there were another triangular being of pure energy who looked just like you, and the only difference was the eyelashes. It'd be weird, even if I knew it was really you, because you'd look just like the other guy!
Are you kidding? Stan is definitely the good twin.
[There's something key in Ford's tone when he says this. It's not him being self-deprecating. There's not an undertone of "I'm terrible and ruined everything." Ford's aware of his choices and regrets them, but isn't beating himself up about them, either. This is a joke.]
You're the Ford.
[A beat, as Ford remembers what the mirror Bill was like, and winces.]
...unless we're talking about the blue version, in which case, I really don't want to think about it.
[1 twin, justifying horrible things for goodness on a cosmic scale, and 1 twin full of fast-talk and lies? Oof. Maybe they shouldn't go down that rabbit hole.]
YOU'RE NOT LIKE HIM. YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT HE'S LIKE INSIDE HIS HEAD, ALL HE THINKS ABOUT IS HOW PEOPLE SHOULD BE ADMIRING HIM. ...THE BLUE GUY, NOT STAN. I'VE BEEN IN STAN'S HEAD TWICE, BUT IT'S WEIRD IN THERE.
HE THOUGHT HE COULD GET OUT OF THE FACT THAT PEOPLE ARE BASICALLY HORRIBLE BY BEING NICE TO THEM, AND THEN WHEN EVERYONE DIDN'T FALL ALL OVER HIM EVEN THOUGH HE WAS NICE AND SMART AND MAGICAL, HE GOT REAAAAAALLY ANGRY AND RESENTFUL, AND KEPT IT ALL INSIDE EXCEPT FOR ENJOYING IT WHEN HE COULD MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD WITHOUT IT LOOKING LIKE HE WAS DOING IT ON PURPOSE.
[This with Bill's usual 'YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH OF UNCERTAINTY!' bluntness, at about 100 miles per hour.]
HAHAHAHA, HE WAS MISERABLE. AND NOW HE'S DEAD! WELL, I'M DEAD TOO. EVEN MORE DEAD THAN ME!
[Bill draws a tombstone in the moon dust on the ground.]
DON'T THINK HE EVER EVEN WENT TO EARTH! SO HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FROM YOUR GUY'S UNIVERSE. PROBABLY IT WAS ALL FAKE. DID THE WATCHES SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT?
All I got was that the mirror-planes we saw changing things were made from the same Barge as this one, just with different calibrations. The other Ford never made the watches, so....they stopped transmitting once the wearer was on the other side.
[Ford -- nods. He does. He doesn't even think he was that bad on the mirror ship, all things considered!]
I know. But if we think about it in story terms, I am the twin who showed up halfway through the plot with a mysterious past and a lot of dangerous machines! That's evil-twin behavior if you ask me.
He's also not sure he agrees about Steve (though he will, in a few weeks) but is quickly distracted by the flag. He gestures with his drink as he suggests:]
[The guy doesn't even want a room, he wants to sit in an empty cabin. What?]
YES. LET'S GO FIND IT AND SEE WHAT WE CAN STICK ON IT. THERE'S A TON OF RANDOM TRASH THEY LEFT, ACTUALLY, YOU'D THINK THEY WERE CAMPING IN A WINNEBAGO INSTEAD OF VISITING YOUR ONLY MOON. C'MON!
[Ford knocks back the rest of his drink, and they're off.
This is going to be an atrocity. This is vandalism of a historic scientific achievement. Ford has several writing implements with him meant to make marks in inhospitable environments. Most likely, someone's boxers are going to fly on that flagpole. They're going to be a pair of gremlins about this.]
[Bill cackles the entire time and is enabling all of this.
There are also pieces of landers and rockets - a TON of them, from five or six different countries. A working Chinese rover grinds on by and Bill draws himself on it.]
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WHOOPS. JUST FRIENDS.
[The arcane rules of Just Friends are a game to Bill with no real emotional meaning - if you ask him, Ford is still his boyfriend and will be until he dies. And Bill does not intend to let him die. He has never particularly needed Ford's input on this matter, although at this point he has at least some idea that he should keep these concepts to himself. If Ford prefers that Bill pretends that Bill is not boyfriending him right now, Bill is going to do that for him.
(Never mind that they've broken up before, and the only difference now is that it wasn't Bill's idea. He is dealing with this by being firmly lodged in denial, which does not respond to logic.)]
IT'S LIKE ME WITHOUT MY TIE! ...I GUESS YOU'VE SEEN ME WITHOUT MY TIE, THOUGH. WHAT ABOUT WITHOUT MY EYELASHES, THAT'D BE WEIRD! ...ALTHOUGH I GUESS I'M STILL THE ONLY BEING OF PURE ENERGY THAT'S A TRIANGLE THAT YOU KNOW.... BUT YOU KEEP YOUR GLASSES ON EVEN WHEN THE - !
[Wait. Bill waves this last sentence away. F r i e n d s]
YOU USUALLY HAVE EM! I'VE SEEN YOU SLEEP IN EM.
[Also with shoes, and a gun.]
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Right, right.
[Ford backs off, turning away just a little bit, but not in an unfriendly way -- just enough so he's not facing Bill fully anymore. It is important to Ford not to be boyfriended while trust is still in question! That just doesn't mean he doesn't miss being boyfriended. Remember, Pines, you're holding out for respect, and not being someone Bill tries to control. And that's why you're not getting boyfriended right now, even if you'd really, really like to be.
He picks up one of the drinks and is about to take a sip when Bill drops the implication about situations in which Ford leaves his glasses on. His eyes go wide, and he chokes a little, face flushing. F r i e n d s ! He's gonna take this drink, and compose himself, and answer.]
Yes, I--I suppose I can see how it would be confusing, if there were another triangular being of pure energy who looked just like you, and the only difference was the eyelashes. It'd be weird, even if I knew it was really you, because you'd look just like the other guy!
1/3
2/3
IN A DIFFERENT WAY THAN YOU HATED ME?
3/3
AM I THE EVIL TWIN?
[Did he just create a hypothetical person with no traits and that person was already better than Bill?]
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I think you have to be. This other triangle would have to work really hard to make me hate him more than I hated you.
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[Squinting into his drink.]
WAIT, WE JUST DID THIS. DURING THE MIRROR FLOOD! MY GOOD TWIN IS HORRIBLE, I'M BETTER THAN HIM.
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[There's something key in Ford's tone when he says this. It's not him being self-deprecating. There's not an undertone of "I'm terrible and ruined everything." Ford's aware of his choices and regrets them, but isn't beating himself up about them, either. This is a joke.]
You're the Ford.
[A beat, as Ford remembers what the mirror Bill was like, and winces.]
...unless we're talking about the blue version, in which case, I really don't want to think about it.
[1 twin, justifying horrible things for goodness on a cosmic scale, and 1 twin full of fast-talk and lies? Oof. Maybe they shouldn't go down that rabbit hole.]
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[He would be mean. Bill would cry. Ford would never hear the end of it, ever, for months.]
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[This with Bill's usual 'YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH OF UNCERTAINTY!' bluntness, at about 100 miles per hour.]
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[S a r c a s m.]
Talk about taking the wrong approach on that boat.
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[Bill draws a tombstone in the moon dust on the ground.]
DON'T THINK HE EVER EVEN WENT TO EARTH! SO HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FROM YOUR GUY'S UNIVERSE. PROBABLY IT WAS ALL FAKE. DID THE WATCHES SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT?
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All I got was that the mirror-planes we saw changing things were made from the same Barge as this one, just with different calibrations. The other Ford never made the watches, so....they stopped transmitting once the wearer was on the other side.
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It's lucky no one ever installed metal detectors.
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LOOK, IF THEY DIDN'T WANT METAL IN THEM THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD SKIN THAT WAS SO PUNCTUREABLE!
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LOOK, FORD, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE BAD ONE, RIGHT? STANLEY WAS EVIL ON THE OTHER SHIP, TOO, THAT ONE COMES OUT EVEN!
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I know. But if we think about it in story terms, I am the twin who showed up halfway through the plot with a mysterious past and a lot of dangerous machines! That's evil-twin behavior if you ask me.
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LIKE HOW STEVE KEEPS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MISERABLE HE CAN MAKE HIMSELF ON PURPOSE. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT?
[Ooh, wait.]
THAT REMINDS ME, WE HAVEN'T FOUND THE FLAG YET.
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He's also not sure he agrees about Steve (though he will, in a few weeks) but is quickly distracted by the flag. He gestures with his drink as he suggests:]
We should find it, and replace it.
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YES. LET'S GO FIND IT AND SEE WHAT WE CAN STICK ON IT. THERE'S A TON OF RANDOM TRASH THEY LEFT, ACTUALLY, YOU'D THINK THEY WERE CAMPING IN A WINNEBAGO INSTEAD OF VISITING YOUR ONLY MOON. C'MON!
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This is going to be an atrocity. This is vandalism of a historic scientific achievement. Ford has several writing implements with him meant to make marks in inhospitable environments. Most likely, someone's boxers are going to fly on that flagpole. They're going to be a pair of gremlins about this.]
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There are also pieces of landers and rockets - a TON of them, from five or six different countries. A working Chinese rover grinds on by and Bill draws himself on it.]
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