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[mothmansplaining]

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"Stanford Pines. Leave a message."

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[mothmansplaining]

"Ah, you weren't wrong," Ford offers, going to lean against the piano next to Bill, relenting a bit. "You were trying to make me feel better, right?"

[tetractys]

"YEAH! YOU'RE BRINGING THE ROOM DOWN."

Bill is staring at the countdown now. Oh no. It's contagious.

[mothmansplaining]

"It was nice of you," Ford mumbles at his champagne flute. "I'm just -- it's just that I'm always wondering what it is you're trying to get me to do."

[tetractys]

Ha ha, valid. Bill is absolutely that guy!

"YEAH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE NICE! I JUST KNOW HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO DO STUFF."

Bill swings his feet, sips his drink. He was just using his 'get Ford to do things' tactics to get the thing he wants Ford to do to be to cheer up. When all you have is a hammer...

[mothmansplaining]

"Knowing how to make people feel better isn't a bad thing," Ford replies. "I wish I was better at it. Usually, I have no idea what to say, so I stand around feeling awkward until someone else steps in."

[tetractys]

Bill can't really... conceive of not knowing how to manipulate people. He learned it approximately at the same time he learned his first words.

"I KNOW! THERE'S NOTHING FAKE ABOUT YOU, SIXER. IT'S A NICE CHANGE OF PACE."

Ford's always had his heart on his sleeve as long as Bill has known him. He's almost a perfect target.

[mothmansplaining]

"Even when I was going along with the escape plan so that I could get the chance to kill you?"

Ford thinks about that for a second, and it's the champagne's fault that he goes on.

"Y'know, when you told me about that other Ford, and Bill, and what they were like, I realized I was doing the same thing."

[tetractys]

"I MEAN, KILLING ME'S BEEN YOUR THING FOR A LONG TIME, YOU WEREN'T EXACTLY DEEP UNDERCOVER, THERE, FORDSY."

He frowns at the next part - almost a double take.

"WHAT?"

[mothmansplaining]

"I think I understand what that Ford was up to. He was the one who gave me the hypercannon, and when we finally had his Bill trapped, he tried to take the containment unit from us. I think he was pretending to work with Bill but waiting for a chance to stab him in the back."

He looks over at this Bill with a tired, matter-of-fact kind of misery.

"Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

[tetractys]

"I KNOW."

Bill's looking straight forward. They know. Both Bills know.

"BUT THAT'S ALL HE WANTED. HE DIDN'T EVEN GO SEE HIS FAMILY ANY MORE, IT WASN'T ...LIKE HIM."

[mothmansplaining]

"Maybe he thought they wouldn't understand," Ford replies. "He might be too ashamed to face them. I know I would be if I were sneaking around passing hypercannons to alternate versions of myself hoping they would solve my problems for me."

[tetractys]

That's not what Bill would have assumed the other Ford was ashamed about. Frankly, Bill thought the issue would be that he was involved in a fucked-up sexual thing with the ruthless and also very charming incorporeal being that ended their entire world. Are we just not going to talk about that?

"WELL, THEY'RE DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TAKE IT WELL IF WE KEEP KISSING EACH OTHER."

Just gonna dump that elephant in the room directly into Ford's arms.

[mothmansplaining]

Oh jeez that's a hell of an elephant. Ford breaks into a cough.

"Well -- obviously."

Duh. Bill did very terrible things to them.

"It hasn't been part of a plan to kill you, but I don't know if that makes it better or worse!" He's quite sure Dipper wouldn't approve of a honeypot scheme. Mabel might. Stan....might get hung up on the whole triangle bit.

[tetractys]

Bill tries not to laugh but it comes out as little snrks anyway.

"YOUR FACE..."

The relationship between the other set of them isn't funny, it's creepy, but the way Ford is reacting to being reminded that this version of them kissed over the holidays is comedy gold, A++.

[mothmansplaining]

"We kissed once. Under supernatural duress! Excuse me if I haven't thought about how to explain that to my family, who you tried to kill!"

[tetractys]

Ford, I am so sorry, but this makes it funnier.

"HAAHAHA, HAHA -"

[mothmansplaining]

One hand is holding champagne. The other is doing this.

[tetractys]

Ha, ha, okay, okay. Bill goes to tug at his extra finger to coax him into bringing the hand on his face back down. Come, on, Fordsy, don't be embarrassed.

"TECHNICALLY THE SECOND TIME WASN'T THE MISTLETOE."

[mothmansplaining]

Oh jeez don't talk to him about that second kiss. He's been trying very hard not to think about it.

"No," he admits. "Technically, it wasn't."

And now he's thinking about it, and the redness on his face is definitely 100% embarrassment. Absolutely just that.

[tetractys]

"YOU'RE SO RED," Bill coos. "OHH, FORD, YOU'RE SO MUCH FUN TO TEASE."

Ford doesn't pull out the 'no seriously stop' gesture, though, so he assumes this is all still fine.

[mothmansplaining]

"And you're an asshole," Ford grumbles. Nope, no gesture.

[tetractys]

"HA! YEAH."

But he's not worrying about the countdown now, is he? Bill wins.

"D'YOU WANNA DO IT AGAIN?"

[mothmansplaining]

Fucking fuck, Bill is absolutely doing this to get a reaction out of him. Once he's done taking a second to be speechless at the audacity, he shakes a finger at Bill.

"I'm not answering that." Don't dignify it with a response, Ford.

[tetractys]

So, big yes from Ford. The moment of speechlessness gets more giggles.

"IF YOU WANT ME TO TRUST YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, THAT WAS MY LAST REASON TO NOT TRY SOMETHING."

Bill... likes this human very much. Ridiculous man. Endearing. Horribly honest. Brilliant - and so dense. Trusting him and treating him well might mean letting Ford decide what's best for Ford, even when that decision is stupid. Bill wants Ford safe more than he wants Ford happy with him ... but a very safe, very unhappy Ford was the same mistake that other Bill made, wasn't it.

[mothmansplaining]

"It--it's still a bad idea," Ford insists, very flustered. "Objectively. If there were an objective metric for bad ideas, this would be on it."

No gesture.