I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT! TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER AT THIS THAN WE ARE. REMEMBERING BACK WHEN YOU FIRST CAME HERE TO THE SHIP! IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, LESS THAN A DECADE! BUT IT FEELS LIKE A LONG TIME.
THIS - HOWEVER I WAS ATTATCHED TO YOU, IT DIDN'T FIT WITH THE WAY I SAW MYSELF. I DIDN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, BUT TRYING TO LIVE WITH SOMEBODY, ON THEIR TERMS, EEEH. IT DIDN'T FIT WITH WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. IT NEVER DID. THE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS HAS JUST GOTTEN HARDER AND HARDER TO IGNORE.
[Bill rubs at the top of his eye.]
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO CHOOSE NOT TO BE SELFISH TO MAKE THIS WORK. I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I WAS SMART ENOUGH I COULD JUST DO BOTH, BUT - I CAN'T. I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER WITHOUT LOSING SOMETHING, AND IT HAS TO EITHER BE A LIFE WITH YOU, WHERE I HAVE FRIENDS, AND I'M HAPPY, OR A LIFE WHERE I KEEP GETTING TO DO WHATEVER I WANT.
[This really hurts. This is like pulling out something barbed that's been embedded in him, and it's not going to come out without doing damage.]
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2019-12-04 07:40 pm (UTC)THIS - HOWEVER I WAS ATTATCHED TO YOU, IT DIDN'T FIT WITH THE WAY I SAW MYSELF. I DIDN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, BUT TRYING TO LIVE WITH SOMEBODY, ON THEIR TERMS, EEEH. IT DIDN'T FIT WITH WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. IT NEVER DID. THE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS HAS JUST GOTTEN HARDER AND HARDER TO IGNORE.
[Bill rubs at the top of his eye.]
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO CHOOSE NOT TO BE SELFISH TO MAKE THIS WORK. I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I WAS SMART ENOUGH I COULD JUST DO BOTH, BUT - I CAN'T. I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER WITHOUT LOSING SOMETHING, AND IT HAS TO EITHER BE A LIFE WITH YOU, WHERE I HAVE FRIENDS, AND I'M HAPPY, OR A LIFE WHERE I KEEP GETTING TO DO WHATEVER I WANT.
[This really hurts. This is like pulling out something barbed that's been embedded in him, and it's not going to come out without doing damage.]