[Anyway, back to his thought, from before he got distracted by just how much he did Not See This Coming -- he's still talking to Bill. It's mostly for information. Ford's determined that he can't just disregard Bill completely, like he was hoping to when he first came on board, and that means this information is relevant.
It's also...ugh, it's interesting. It is a shift in what he's thought Bill was capable of. Ford is having to reframe basically everything that's happened since he arrived on the Barge -- maybe even before. Not by too many degrees, but he's having to factor in something resembling actual damns, given by Bill Cipher, about him. He's been collecting information on Bill for over thirty years and he's not used to being this off. Paying attention to new details about Bill is a hard habit to break.
And then there's a third point, hidden behind the other two. Out of all the beings in the multiverse, the only person who matters to Bill Cipher is him? This is a monster from beyond space and time, madness and chaos personified, univer-cidal, and he's screaming at Ford Pines about being good enough? Ford's been away from his family for longer than he had them back. There are people on the barge he's on good terms with, but he'd hesitate to call them friends. Acquaintances are about all he ever manages in other worlds, and he's going to leave them all behind when he gets off this ship anyway. When he's gone, they'll move on, like he was never there. It's just a fact. Maybe that's got something to do with why he's not hanging up -- because the impermanence of the Barge is lonely.
(He remembers when his family was dead, and it was just him and 7718. But that wasn't Bill. That was something else he talked to over the phone, played with, worked together with. It probably never existed.)
Ford doesn't understand much of this himself. Mostly, all he knows is that he's never seen this before and it might be relevant, and also his emotions are doing angry and uncomfortable things, and he's not hanging up yet. He knows Bill can't be trusted. He knows Bill is dangerous. And he knows he wants Bill gone.]
And it would still be a lie! I'd bet you couldn't even manage a real apology, because you're not sorry about what you did to me, and you're never going to be! You're just sorry that I'm not fun anymore!
[Besides, even if Bill did manage that, it's not going to get him what he wants. Things are never going back to the way they were, and certainly not because Bill Cipher wishes they would.]
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2018-04-13 09:13 pm (UTC)Because I didn't know it was a lie!
[Anyway, back to his thought, from before he got distracted by just how much he did Not See This Coming -- he's still talking to Bill. It's mostly for information. Ford's determined that he can't just disregard Bill completely, like he was hoping to when he first came on board, and that means this information is relevant.
It's also...ugh, it's interesting. It is a shift in what he's thought Bill was capable of. Ford is having to reframe basically everything that's happened since he arrived on the Barge -- maybe even before. Not by too many degrees, but he's having to factor in something resembling actual damns, given by Bill Cipher, about him. He's been collecting information on Bill for over thirty years and he's not used to being this off. Paying attention to new details about Bill is a hard habit to break.
And then there's a third point, hidden behind the other two. Out of all the beings in the multiverse, the only person who matters to Bill Cipher is him? This is a monster from beyond space and time, madness and chaos personified, univer-cidal, and he's screaming at Ford Pines about being good enough? Ford's been away from his family for longer than he had them back. There are people on the barge he's on good terms with, but he'd hesitate to call them friends. Acquaintances are about all he ever manages in other worlds, and he's going to leave them all behind when he gets off this ship anyway. When he's gone, they'll move on, like he was never there. It's just a fact. Maybe that's got something to do with why he's not hanging up -- because the impermanence of the Barge is lonely.
(He remembers when his family was dead, and it was just him and 7718. But that wasn't Bill. That was something else he talked to over the phone, played with, worked together with. It probably never existed.)Ford doesn't understand much of this himself. Mostly, all he knows is that he's never seen this before and it might be relevant, and also his emotions are doing angry and uncomfortable things, and he's not hanging up yet. He knows Bill can't be trusted. He knows Bill is dangerous. And he knows he wants Bill gone.]
And it would still be a lie! I'd bet you couldn't even manage a real apology, because you're not sorry about what you did to me, and you're never going to be! You're just sorry that I'm not fun anymore!
[Besides, even if Bill did manage that, it's not going to get him what he wants. Things are never going back to the way they were, and certainly not because Bill Cipher wishes they would.]