Does it? Does the fact that Bill did it because the other Bill was there, and is talking about it in terms of fixing, matter?
They're both jerks. Ford doesn't care how weird Bill's week has been. He's got all the emotional intelligence of a charging rhinoceros, especially when he's upset.
He's right. There isn't. >There's one thing I want to ask.
He's certain he already knows the answer. He wants to hear Bill say it, to confirm what he knows and dispel any temptation to doubt it -- to prove himself right. And that's how it's said: with rhetorical finality.
"Would you take it back?" Even if Bill could, even if he had the chance to do it over, he'd do the same thing.
That's what I thought dies halfway to his mouth. ...that's both exactly what he expected and not what he expected at all.
There's no cheery NOPE! A++ WOULD HARASS YOUR FAMILY AGAIN.
"Bill, if my parallel self were a reality-destroying maniac, you bet I'd leave him dead! ...or stuck in a high-tech trap forever. Whichever the case." But he digresses. "But more importantly" Ford says, "why does it matter to you how many Bills are alive or dead? There's thousands of parallel versions of me out there who are all perfectly non-deceased, but that doesn't make a difference to me! I'm still dead! Are you planning to use that other Bill to save yourself somehow?"
Is he expecting some kind of rescue? Was that the plan?
"BAD EXAMPLE! YOU HATE YOURSELF! THE BILLS OF THE MULTIVERSE LIKE EACH OTHER. IF THERE WAS A WAY THOSE OTHER TWO BILLS COULD RESURRECT ME, THEY'D DO IT, BUT I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING SO FAR!"
Bill starts pacing in mid-air, hands behind his back.
"YOU AND LUKE AND EVERYBODY - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, HUH? NOT LOOK OUT FOR MYSELF? WHAT A LOAD. I'D NEVER HAVE MADE IT OUT OF THE SECOND DIMENSION IF I HADN'T PUT MYSELF FIRST, THIS DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING!"
Ford scowls at the accusation that he hates himself, but after a moment realizes he can't actually argue. He is pretty terrible. He's doing a terrible thing to Stephanie. Thank god he's got enough sense to avoid the terrible thing Bill wants him to do to Iris. He's brilliant and talented and ingenious but he's also been such an ass. He'd hate to meet his younger self.
"You think I have the answer?!" Ford demands, throwing out his hands. "I don't know what you're supposed to do! I barely know what I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm pretty sure I'm not doing it!"
Anger flashes through Ford again, not in a way he would describe as acidic given that he is familiar what it is like to have acid pass through you, but hot and burning anyway. Seeing Bill take that other Bill's place, hearing him say no one else is ever going to fight for him, makes Ford erupt. He waves a hand, shoving Bill out of the place he's chosen to occupy, hopefully onto the ground.
"Are you kidding?" he snaps, taking a step forward. "Do you have any idea how many people on this barge are protecting you, Cipher? Who have told me specifically not to try to kill you? I know for a fact that Luke would protect you, and Dillon, and possibly Jean -- and last I checked, Quentin called you a friend! I might not agree with them, and I might think it's a colossally stupid idea, but that doesn't change the fact that you're not the only one fighting for you anymore!"
A breath in. Then, Ford gestures to himself with both hands. "For crying out loud, I came to get you from the freezer!" He jabs a finger in Bill's direction. "I'm furious with you, Cipher, for everything you did in the Bargeyard, and I'd kill you in an instant and damn the consequences if I knew it'd work, but I think you're different! You're like the other Bills, but you're not the same as them anymore! I'm doing things that are definitely not making me any more of a good person or getting me back to my family any time soon for your sake because I need to get you to a Barge where maybe, one day, you'll graduate! If I didn't think you'd changed, that you had a capacity that they didn't--" It takes a split second to imagine it. "...I'd probably still be following you around, but I'd hate it much more."
He doesn't want to talk about him being a freak. He'd much rather yell.
Bill wasn't expecting this, and does get knocked down. "AGH!"
He listens, and his expression closes shut at the mention of people who have defended him. Jean, and Dillon, and Quentin and Luke: four people he has specifically been manipulating. This is not an accident, and if they suspect Bill has been tailoring behavior and information, they can't know how much, or to what ends he's using them for, or they'd be gone already.
(Ford should be gone already.)
Speaking of that, Bill rises to his feet when Ford mentions himself, though, little hands balled into fists. All he can think about is how much better Ford's life was in timelines where he never met Bill.
That curveball hits him hard and with dizzying speed. "W-what?" Seriously, what. Where is this coming from. He thought they weren't going to talk about their other selves. "No, I don't!"
Ford's going to need a second to muster up a more eloquent defense.
Angrier: "No, I don't! Just because another version of me made some VERY questionable decisions in another universe doesn't mean I have feelings for you, Cipher!"
"UUUUUAH, FINE. FINE! YOU'RE JUST A GREAT GUY! REAL ALTRUISTIC!"
Bill abruptly turns and swings a kick at the top of a building. It crumbles. If Ford didn't have a dumb crush, he'd have literally nothing to gain from this. There's no guilt in him any more, but it's left behind a cold certainty that Ford shouldn't be sacrificing anything else for Bill. Definitely not on purpose. Is he going to say that? Fuck no, dude.
"DON'T MAKE ME ARGUE AGAINST REASONS YOU SHOULD LIKE ME! THAT'S TOTALLY COUNTER TO MY INTERESTS!"
He's not staying with Bill because he's hoping for makeouts. Ford isn't gunning for graduation because he wants to be kissing Bill Cipher. He very much doesn't want to be doing that at the moment, actually, and if it were tried, it'd get Bill a punch in the mouth.
What it is is responsibility. Conviction that he's the best man for the job. Being in a unique position to make this happen. A vital task he'd thought he'd finished but hadn't. Fear of what will happen if he fails. A need for peace of mind. It's too soon for anything more complicated to take root; it could be done, especially given Ford's relatively recent conviction that it's not too late for anyone to change: he believes that, and he's sticking to it. But it would take work, and right now, Ford's too angry about Stan, about losing, about the other Bill being every bit as much of a fucker as Ford remembers and this Bill going along with it because he likes his even-more-terrible alternate selves, about having to put aside what he wants for Bill to process any emotion but resentment.
"You don't have to, because I can't think of any! Why the heck do you think that after everything you've done to me and my family, I'd even consider--ugh! No wonder you like the other Bills so much: I've never met anyone as full of themselves!" (This is said without a trace of irony.) "Besides, why are you bringing this up now?" he demands furiously. "I thought we were going to leave our lunatic alternate selves out of this!"
"YOU WANTED TO GET OFF THAT SUBJECT, SO NOW WE'RE OFF IT! I MEAN I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE AGAINST REASONS YOU SHOULDN'T BE TRYING TO PUT MY GRADUATION BEFORE YOURS!"
"Let's get one thing straight, Bill," Ford says, pun entirely unintended. "I've made my decision to see this through, and it has nothing at all to do with a crush. That doesn't exist and never will. Because you're a jerk."
There, okay, fine, now they're done. They can be off the subject now that Ford's had the last word.
"Hm?" Ford catches the ring without thinking about it -- it might have been a grenade, and it wouldn't have made a difference. What is in his hands only registers when he looks down at it and recognizes it.
He scowls. "That won't tell us anything! I might trust this ring in the real world," Ford says, "but in a dream, it's unreliable. You could make it light up whenever you want!" He tosses the ring back. "It's too easy to influence. I won't use it."
"It'll be all right," Ford says grimly, rubbing his eyes. "All we have to do is never bring up anything our alternate selves did or said ever again. That way, we can keep our minds off of parallel universes with embarrassing romantic entanglements and catastrophes that are out of our hands and focus on the mission."
Perfect solution. Never forgive, never forget, but when your tunnel vision is fixed on the goal, it's like it's not there, right?
"THEY'RE NOT THE PROBLEM, YOU ARE! BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT - IF YOU'RE GIVING ME A BLANK CHECK FOR LETTING BYGONES BE BYGONES ON EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN PORT, I'LL TAKE THAT DEAL!"
Bill blinks and the white of his eye goes neon blue.
"Wait, I'm the problem?" Ford asks with a flare of temper, gesturing at his own chest. This feels like a deeply unfair accusation to him, especially considering just how much resentment he is trying to barrel past for a goal that will primarily benefit Bill. "How can you say that when I'm trying to look past how you helped destroy thirty years of work?!" Aren't they on the same page about this? Isn't it better if they just leave that, all of that, in the past?
"YEAH, WE ALREADY DID THIS PART! I QUESTIONED YOUR MOTIVATIONS, YOU TOLD ME SOMETHING THAT WASN'T TRUE, THEN YOU WOULDN'T PROVE IT, AND NOW HERE WE ARE!"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The feeling of being squeezed under a weird, helpless pressure that he felt so vividly while under the curse is back, duller and more distant.
He didn't consider not helping. He wasn't motivated to consider it. If he had, he understands that the other Bill would have just done it without him.
Doesn't help, though, does it?
"LOOK, I'VE HAD A REALLY WEIRD COUPLE OF DAYS! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, THERE'S JUST NOTHING EITHER OF US CAN DO ABOUT IT, OKAY??"
Even if you regret losing something, it's going to stay lost.
no subject
They're both jerks. Ford doesn't care how weird Bill's week has been. He's got all the emotional intelligence of a charging rhinoceros, especially when he's upset.
He's right. There isn't.
>There's one thing I want to ask.
He's certain he already knows the answer. He wants to hear Bill say it, to confirm what he knows and dispel any temptation to doubt it -- to prove himself right. And that's how it's said: with rhetorical finality.
"Would you take it back?" Even if Bill could, even if he had the chance to do it over, he'd do the same thing.
no subject
"WOULD YOU TURN DOWN A CHANCE TO BE ALIVE?"
Let's face it, Bill's graduation chances are ... questionable.
no subject
There's no cheery NOPE! A++ WOULD HARASS YOUR FAMILY AGAIN.
"Bill, if my parallel self were a reality-destroying maniac, you bet I'd leave him dead! ...or stuck in a high-tech trap forever. Whichever the case." But he digresses. "But more importantly" Ford says, "why does it matter to you how many Bills are alive or dead? There's thousands of parallel versions of me out there who are all perfectly non-deceased, but that doesn't make a difference to me! I'm still dead! Are you planning to use that other Bill to save yourself somehow?"
Is he expecting some kind of rescue? Was that the plan?
no subject
Bill starts pacing in mid-air, hands behind his back.
"YOU AND LUKE AND EVERYBODY - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, HUH? NOT LOOK OUT FOR MYSELF? WHAT A LOAD. I'D NEVER HAVE MADE IT OUT OF THE SECOND DIMENSION IF I HADN'T PUT MYSELF FIRST, THIS DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING!"
no subject
"You think I have the answer?!" Ford demands, throwing out his hands. "I don't know what you're supposed to do! I barely know what I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm pretty sure I'm not doing it!"
no subject
Bill swipes away the image of the dream-Bill and goes to sit in his place.
"SO YEAH, I'D DO IT AGAIN! AND YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT THE QUESTION I ASKED WHEN I FIRST SHOWED UP!"
no subject
"Are you kidding?" he snaps, taking a step forward. "Do you have any idea how many people on this barge are protecting you, Cipher? Who have told me specifically not to try to kill you? I know for a fact that Luke would protect you, and Dillon, and possibly Jean -- and last I checked, Quentin called you a friend! I might not agree with them, and I might think it's a colossally stupid idea, but that doesn't change the fact that you're not the only one fighting for you anymore!"
A breath in. Then, Ford gestures to himself with both hands. "For crying out loud, I came to get you from the freezer!" He jabs a finger in Bill's direction. "I'm furious with you, Cipher, for everything you did in the Bargeyard, and I'd kill you in an instant and damn the consequences if I knew it'd work, but I think you're different! You're like the other Bills, but you're not the same as them anymore! I'm doing things that are definitely not making me any more of a good person or getting me back to my family any time soon for your sake because I need to get you to a Barge where maybe, one day, you'll graduate! If I didn't think you'd changed, that you had a capacity that they didn't--" It takes a split second to imagine it. "...I'd probably still be following you around, but I'd hate it much more."
He doesn't want to talk about him being a freak. He'd much rather yell.
no subject
He listens, and his expression closes shut at the mention of people who have defended him. Jean, and Dillon, and Quentin and Luke: four people he has specifically been manipulating. This is not an accident, and if they suspect Bill has been tailoring behavior and information, they can't know how much, or to what ends he's using them for, or they'd be gone already.
(Ford should be gone already.)
Speaking of that, Bill rises to his feet when Ford mentions himself, though, little hands balled into fists. All he can think about is how much better Ford's life was in timelines where he never met Bill.
"YOU JUST HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON ME!"
no subject
Ford's going to need a second to muster up a more eloquent defense.
no subject
YEAH! YES! YES YOU DO!"
no subject
no subject
Bill drags both hands down his eyelids.
"UUUUUAH, FINE. FINE! YOU'RE JUST A GREAT GUY! REAL ALTRUISTIC!"
Bill abruptly turns and swings a kick at the top of a building. It crumbles. If Ford didn't have a dumb crush, he'd have literally nothing to gain from this. There's no guilt in him any more, but it's left behind a cold certainty that Ford shouldn't be sacrificing anything else for Bill. Definitely not on purpose. Is he going to say that? Fuck no, dude.
"DON'T MAKE ME ARGUE AGAINST REASONS YOU SHOULD LIKE ME! THAT'S TOTALLY COUNTER TO MY INTERESTS!"
no subject
What it is is responsibility. Conviction that he's the best man for the job. Being in a unique position to make this happen. A vital task he'd thought he'd finished but hadn't. Fear of what will happen if he fails. A need for peace of mind. It's too soon for anything more complicated to take root; it could be done, especially given Ford's relatively recent conviction that it's not too late for anyone to change: he believes that, and he's sticking to it. But it would take work, and right now, Ford's too angry about Stan, about losing, about the other Bill being every bit as much of a fucker as Ford remembers and this Bill going along with it because he likes his even-more-terrible alternate selves, about having to put aside what he wants for Bill to process any emotion but resentment.
"You don't have to, because I can't think of any! Why the heck do you think that after everything you've done to me and my family, I'd even consider--ugh! No wonder you like the other Bills so much: I've never met anyone as full of themselves!" (This is said without a trace of irony.) "Besides, why are you bringing this up now?" he demands furiously. "I thought we were going to leave our lunatic alternate selves out of this!"
no subject
"YOU WANTED TO GET OFF THAT SUBJECT, SO NOW WE'RE OFF IT! I MEAN I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE AGAINST REASONS YOU SHOULDN'T BE TRYING TO PUT MY GRADUATION BEFORE YOURS!"
But he's thinking of them.
no subject
There, okay, fine, now they're done. They can be off the subject now that Ford's had the last word.
no subject
Bill opens his hand and the green ring appears in it. The one Alan gave him. You know the one.
He tosses it to Ford. It's a dream. It'll fit.
"WANNA TRY THAT AGAIN?"
A glance over Ford's shoulder again as he says this. Feel free to take both meanings.
no subject
He scowls. "That won't tell us anything! I might trust this ring in the real world," Ford says, "but in a dream, it's unreliable. You could make it light up whenever you want!" He tosses the ring back. "It's too easy to influence. I won't use it."
no subject
"BOY OH BOY, THIS NEW STATE OF AFFAIRS ISN'T GOING TO BE COMPLETELY ANNOYING."
no subject
Perfect solution. Never forgive, never forget, but when your tunnel vision is fixed on the goal, it's like it's not there, right?
no subject
no subject
No, really, he doesn't follow.
no subject
Bill blinks and the white of his eye goes neon blue.
no subject
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)