mothmansplaining | [IC INBOX

...

...

...unless a Spooky Dad is what you need right now, in which case, I'll put up with it.

I really need a Spooky Dad. All my impulse controls are like....

[He mimes his hand darting back and forth over his head, making whoosh noises]

[For a moment, Ford feels his control of his own life slipping away from him.

Then, with an inward shake of his head, he decides, no. No, he is choosing to help Betelgeuse. He could turn Betelgeuse out. But, instead, Ford is choosing to help.]

Is being here going to help with that?

[He eyes Ford's expression, and settles his hand back down inside the comforter.

Thing is, BJ is wildly, terrifically selfish, but he's also weirdly in tune with the emotions of other people. It's just rare when he can actually settle down long enough to pay attention to them.

So he sinks down further in the chair and says;]

I know I'm not your problem. If you don't want me here I don't wanna be here.

[Ford....goes to sit down next to him, on the T-rex skull. Is Betelgeuse imposing?
Yes, absolutely. Does Ford want to kick him out? No, not really. The line between the two is weird, but it's where Ford's at. He sighs.]

I don't want to turn you out, if that's what you mean.

Betelgeuse, I...I am, objectively speaking, one of the worst individuals on this ship to help anyone with an emotional problem. That doesn't mean I don't want to. It means I don't know how.

I can't be your impulse control for you. But I can give you a place to stay that's not an empty cabin, and...maybe an incentive to try to control those impulses. Do you want to stay here more than you want to do....I don't know, what's the weirdest thing buzzing around your head right now?

[He shrinks when Ford goes to sit next to him, eyeing him warily and blinking in surprise when Ford tells him he doesn't wnat to turn him out. He says quickly -]

I don't want you to help me with my emotional problems, I swear, Tin Man. Eesh. Nah, nah. I just want a safe place to stay for a while so I have someone to wake up for, you know?

Well, I kind of wanted to see where Hange's body rolled to and see if I can't train my pet sandworm to gnaw on non-ghost comatose corpses if that's what you mean...

[Okay. He can do that. That's much easier than "I don't know how to control my impulses! Help me figure out my problems, Spooky Dad!"]

Yes, I'd find that very upsetting, and I'd prefer you didn't do it.

Where was she, actually, the last time you saw her?

[if no one else has taken responsibility for hange's comatose body, ford will.]

Uh.

Last night in the lounge. I brought her up there and duct-taped her to the wall and I think someone was using her for a dart board.

You what? Why? I thought you liked her!

I ADORE Hange! I love her! She left me with NO ONE in charge of my worst goddamn impulses and I THOUGHT that wrecking shit up with her around would make her snap out of it! Plus I needed to keep an eye on her, obviously!

So instead of putting her in a cabin behind an access filter, you let someone use her as a dartboard?

Well, when you put it in that kind of tone, anything is going to sound bad.

I'm only taking this tone because it is bad!

[Ok. ok. Deep breath. Snapping isn't going to help. It's going to be okay.]

Well, at least you've proven that that's not how comas work. In this case, anyway. It's hard to be sure of anything on this ship.

[He looks at Betelgeuse.]

If I go look for her, will you sit tight?

...

I'll be back, I promise.

Sure. I can sit tight. Super tight.

[He sits down on his hands so that he's not tempted to get into TOO much mischief]

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