[Betelgeuse isn't wearing his trademark suit. He's wearing pajamas that look like his suit, complete with bunny slippers and a duvet from an unknown passenger's bedspread wrapped around his shoulders. He looks embarrassed and miserable]
'Sup, Tin Man.
Uh.
[He glances down at his slippers; sighs; resolves himself to asking even though it burns]
So like. Hange is in her coma. Rhys is dead, and I'm...by myself.
[Oh god. Please tell him this isn't going to be a pass.
Wait a second, Ford. Put yourself in his shoes. If you were Betelgeuse, and your warden and your boyfriend were gone for the moment, how would you be feeling? And why would you be in bunny slippers and a comforter?
[He pulls the duvet from his shoulders up to over his head and gives a short, desperate nod. As soon as Ford steps aside to give him room, he's zooming in, planting himself in a BJ-shaped ball in Stan's tv-watching chair in the living room]
[Ford watches him nyoom over to the chair and wrap himself up like a Beetlerrito, a little taken aback. Okay. So he's lonely, but the sad kind of lonely.
How do you, a man with the emotional sensitivity of a brick wall and the tact of a sledgehammer, help someone with an emotional problem?]
[sdjfhlk well now that Ford's confident that displays like this aren't all coldly calculated tricks to play on his sympathies, is he really going to say no?
His relationship with Betelgeuse is a little bit like someone who's been feeding a wild animal. Ford's well aware of what the animal's nature is. He's familiar with its type of behavior, enough to head off most problems directed his way. It knows it can come to him for food, but whether it feels any kind of affection is up in the air, and it could bite at any time. But while it's getting food from him, it isn't hunting anywhere else. A kind of friendship, but an uneasy one. And one where it's definitely tried to hump his leg.
Anyway, Ford's not hard-hearted enough to turn him out.]
Okay.
[A deep breath; a sigh.]
Listen, Betelgeuse. I was working with her during the port, and she was as lively as ever. I don't think she's fading away, so if she's still here at all, it's probably just a break. I think Hange's going to be just fine.
[The rocking and shaking underneath seems to cease, as he stills, waiting for the inevitable '...but'.
It doesn't come. He's not even cracking jokes about it.
He pokes a worried face into view, clearly having been crying at some point. His hair is a very dark purple]
The port was weeks ago. Days? Weeks...I lose track of time a lot.
And if she doesn't come back soon, what if I start to go back the other way? We'd lose everything we had together. I can't lose her, Ford, I'm at my most vulnerable in between periods of transition. Just ask my stage manager.
I need somebody to be there for me, and I know you have Rosie and I'm supposed to learn how to 'self-soothe' but I've been self-soothing for centuries and I can't be alone right now.
[he bundles his arms up, crossing them. It definitely wasn't an accident - poisoning his drink will do that - but what the demon ghost thing MEANS and is failing to explain is that he didn't want to do the murdering. Rhys wanted it]
Anyway. If you want me to, like, swear I won't kill you or I'll be your slave or something in exchange for room here, I'll do it. Just like old times.
[...oh dear. That sounds like a whole complicated mess and Ford definitely wants to know about it, but the purple hair clues him in to the fact that now might not be the time. Ford does okay with mood-ring physiology.]
...would it make you feel better about being here if we made a deal?
BJ shrugs a little, lowering the duvet back down to around his shoulders. Most demons like deals, or contracts. Helps to set up a baseline of behavior.]
[For a moment, Ford feels his control of his own life slipping away from him.
Then, with an inward shake of his head, he decides, no. No, he is choosing to help Betelgeuse. He could turn Betelgeuse out. But, instead, Ford is choosing to help.]
[He eyes Ford's expression, and settles his hand back down inside the comforter.
Thing is, BJ is wildly, terrifically selfish, but he's also weirdly in tune with the emotions of other people. It's just rare when he can actually settle down long enough to pay attention to them.
So he sinks down further in the chair and says;]
I know I'm not your problem. If you don't want me here I don't wanna be here.
[Ford....goes to sit down next to him, on the T-rex skull. Is Betelgeuse imposing? Yes, absolutely. Does Ford want to kick him out? No, not really. The line between the two is weird, but it's where Ford's at. He sighs.]
I don't want to turn you out, if that's what you mean.
Betelgeuse, I...I am, objectively speaking, one of the worst individuals on this ship to help anyone with an emotional problem. That doesn't mean I don't want to. It means I don't know how.
I can't be your impulse control for you. But I can give you a place to stay that's not an empty cabin, and...maybe an incentive to try to control those impulses. Do you want to stay here more than you want to do....I don't know, what's the weirdest thing buzzing around your head right now?
[He shrinks when Ford goes to sit next to him, eyeing him warily and blinking in surprise when Ford tells him he doesn't wnat to turn him out. He says quickly -]
I don't want you to help me with my emotional problems, I swear, Tin Man. Eesh. Nah, nah. I just want a safe place to stay for a while so I have someone to wake up for, you know?
Well, I kind of wanted to see where Hange's body rolled to and see if I can't train my pet sandworm to gnaw on non-ghost comatose corpses if that's what you mean...
I ADORE Hange! I love her! She left me with NO ONE in charge of my worst goddamn impulses and I THOUGHT that wrecking shit up with her around would make her snap out of it! Plus I needed to keep an eye on her, obviously!
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'Sup, Tin Man.
Uh.
[He glances down at his slippers; sighs; resolves himself to asking even though it burns]
So like. Hange is in her coma. Rhys is dead, and I'm...by myself.
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[Oh god. Please tell him this isn't going to be a pass.
Wait a second, Ford. Put yourself in his shoes. If you were Betelgeuse, and your warden and your boyfriend were gone for the moment, how would you be feeling? And why would you be in bunny slippers and a comforter?
No no. This isn't a pass.
This is a sleepover.]
Do you...want to come in?
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How do you, a man with the emotional sensitivity of a brick wall and the tact of a sledgehammer, help someone with an emotional problem?]
...how can I help?
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Can I stay here for a while? I don't know when Hange is coming back.
And it's like, what if she never wakes up? oh god oh god oh god..
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His relationship with Betelgeuse is a little bit like someone who's been feeding a wild animal. Ford's well aware of what the animal's nature is. He's familiar with its type of behavior, enough to head off most problems directed his way. It knows it can come to him for food, but whether it feels any kind of affection is up in the air, and it could bite at any time. But while it's getting food from him, it isn't hunting anywhere else. A kind of friendship, but an uneasy one. And one where it's definitely tried to hump his leg.
Anyway, Ford's not hard-hearted enough to turn him out.]
Okay.
[A deep breath; a sigh.]
Listen, Betelgeuse. I was working with her during the port, and she was as lively as ever. I don't think she's fading away, so if she's still here at all, it's probably just a break. I think Hange's going to be just fine.
And Rhys -- that's an ordinary death toll, right?
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It doesn't come. He's not even cracking jokes about it.
He pokes a worried face into view, clearly having been crying at some point. His hair is a very dark purple]
The port was weeks ago. Days? Weeks...I lose track of time a lot.
And if she doesn't come back soon, what if I start to go back the other way? We'd lose everything we had together. I can't lose her, Ford, I'm at my most vulnerable in between periods of transition. Just ask my stage manager.
I need somebody to be there for me, and I know you have Rosie and I'm supposed to learn how to 'self-soothe' but I've been self-soothing for centuries and I can't be alone right now.
Yeah, Rhys is death-tolling. I killed him.
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...
I hope it was consensual. Or at least an accident.
[He'll loop back around to the first bit in a second.]
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[he bundles his arms up, crossing them. It definitely wasn't an accident - poisoning his drink will do that - but what the demon ghost thing MEANS and is failing to explain is that he didn't want to do the murdering. Rhys wanted it]
Anyway. If you want me to, like, swear I won't kill you or I'll be your slave or something in exchange for room here, I'll do it. Just like old times.
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...would it make you feel better about being here if we made a deal?
Or do you just want to crash?
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BJ shrugs a little, lowering the duvet back down to around his shoulders. Most demons like deals, or contracts. Helps to set up a baseline of behavior.]
What kind of a deal?
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I don't know. I'm reasonably confident you won't kill me in my sleep, but if it helps, we can make it official.
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[Spam] 1/2
Yes, yes, you can stay until Hange wakes up. Just never call me that again.
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...
...unless a Spooky Dad is what you need right now, in which case, I'll put up with it.
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[He mimes his hand darting back and forth over his head, making whoosh noises]
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Then, with an inward shake of his head, he decides, no. No, he is choosing to help Betelgeuse. He could turn Betelgeuse out. But, instead, Ford is choosing to help.]
Is being here going to help with that?
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Thing is, BJ is wildly, terrifically selfish, but he's also weirdly in tune with the emotions of other people. It's just rare when he can actually settle down long enough to pay attention to them.
So he sinks down further in the chair and says;]
I know I'm not your problem. If you don't want me here I don't wanna be here.
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Yes, absolutely. Does Ford want to kick him out? No, not really. The line between the two is weird, but it's where Ford's at. He sighs.]
I don't want to turn you out, if that's what you mean.
Betelgeuse, I...I am, objectively speaking, one of the worst individuals on this ship to help anyone with an emotional problem. That doesn't mean I don't want to. It means I don't know how.
I can't be your impulse control for you. But I can give you a place to stay that's not an empty cabin, and...maybe an incentive to try to control those impulses. Do you want to stay here more than you want to do....I don't know, what's the weirdest thing buzzing around your head right now?
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I don't want you to help me with my emotional problems, I swear, Tin Man. Eesh. Nah, nah. I just want a safe place to stay for a while so I have someone to wake up for, you know?
Well, I kind of wanted to see where Hange's body rolled to and see if I can't train my pet sandworm to gnaw on non-ghost comatose corpses if that's what you mean...
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Yes, I'd find that very upsetting, and I'd prefer you didn't do it.
Where was she, actually, the last time you saw her?
[if no one else has taken responsibility for hange's comatose body, ford will.]
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Last night in the lounge. I brought her up there and duct-taped her to the wall and I think someone was using her for a dart board.
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