Oh, I can understand that. When someone's been around that long, any change at all is remarkable. And it can leave them feeling...like they aren't themselves anymore. Like they're losing part of who they are. Small, when they didn't used to be.
Yes. I think at one moment, he probably enjoys feeling accepted and taking in the warmth of camaraderie. And then at the next, he probably feels like he's standing in quicksand. Viciousness is useful in its own way, you know? Under certain circumstances it helps protect you, helps you survive. Letting go, even just of some of it... you become more vulnerable.
And now he's in a place where in order to survive, he has to open himself up to that vulnerability -- a place that happens to be full of liars, torturers, and murderers. It takes a lot of strength to open up like that -- to trust people when you're used surviving by doing the opposite. It's hard having to adjust to that. You make mistakes along the way.
When he's inconstant, I think it's not anything to do with you, or what you've said or done. It's him, being in tumult. I think the best thing to give him in turn is your steadiness... I don't always succeed at it but don't let him rile you. Remind him that he wants friends, because he does. If he storms off, give him a little space. Not that I'm asking you to take his abuse either, and if he ruins his relationship with you it's on him to fix it, but if he's remorseful I guess... be firm for yourself but kind to him?
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When he's inconstant, I think it's not anything to do with you, or what you've said or done. It's him, being in tumult. I think the best thing to give him in turn is your steadiness... I don't always succeed at it but don't let him rile you. Remind him that he wants friends, because he does. If he storms off, give him a little space. Not that I'm asking you to take his abuse either, and if he ruins his relationship with you it's on him to fix it, but if he's remorseful I guess... be firm for yourself but kind to him?