[Ford doesn't know if that makes him feel better or worse. Not the murder part, he doesn't bat an eyelash at that, but the fact that she doesn't have something vitally important to her riding on his redemption.
It might make him feel better, actually. Takes some of the pressure off. No one's life or dreams or future is riding on this but his own.]
That's a very mature perspective on causality. But you do have experience with the damage even well-meaning paradoxes can do.
I do. That's why I want to think very carefully about what I ask for. But
in the meantime ... I'm not particularly concerned with it as much as I am
with ... doing what I came here to do. Which is ... well.
[She looks up with a soft, but solid smile.]
I was raised to be a killer. A weapon. A tool. I was educated only in what
I needed to know to get the job done, and fed only what was necessary to
keep me functioning at top performance. [A tiny realization, and a
soft laugh:] Maybe that's why I'm so eager to keep our food
resources varied and sustainable. But ... my point is, I was a
killer -- and not much else -- for the first thirteen years of my life. I'm
twenty-one now, so I'm ... still learning, and unlearning. And I think it's
important that you know that I've made peace with the things that I've
done. I'm not here as a penance. I'm not trying to do good in order to make
up for the blood on my hands. I'm here because I believe it's the right
thing to do, to help people when they need it, in the ways that I
can help.
I'm still used to that being ... mostly violent. So I will probably make
some mistakes. But, um ... if there's anything that you need, and I'm not
picking up on it, you can just ask.
[Ford's brows draw closer together, but it doesn't look like he's upset. It's like...he thinks she is a very good person, and seems to be questioning whether she should really be spending her time on someone like him. But her reasons for being here are really respectable, in Ford's opinion -- there's something very unselfish about it, about how she isn't here to use someone else's moral development for her own ends.]
Well, that makes two of us. I'll make mistakes, too. I'm certain of it.
[He hopes she doesn't think too badly of him when he does.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You don't know what you want to get out of this? There's no person you plan to bring back to life, no unstoppable enemy you want to destroy?
no subject
[ She shakes her head, a little sadly, as she glances down at her hands for a moment. ]
No. I'm... My losses are my lessons. Sometimes you can't save everyone.
I defeated my personal enemies. They're dead. My pimp, my handler, the people who made me and abused me. I killed them. Some of them long ago.
My father's alive again. Somewhere. But I always knew that wouldn't take.
And if... if I change anything in my past, I can't guarantee I would be the same person. Everything that happened to me made me who I am today.
no subject
It might make him feel better, actually. Takes some of the pressure off. No one's life or dreams or future is riding on this but his own.]
That's a very mature perspective on causality. But you do have experience with the damage even well-meaning paradoxes can do.
no subject
I do. That's why I want to think very carefully about what I ask for. But in the meantime ... I'm not particularly concerned with it as much as I am with ... doing what I came here to do. Which is ... well.
[She looks up with a soft, but solid smile.]
I was raised to be a killer. A weapon. A tool. I was educated only in what I needed to know to get the job done, and fed only what was necessary to keep me functioning at top performance. [A tiny realization, and a soft laugh:] Maybe that's why I'm so eager to keep our food resources varied and sustainable. But ... my point is, I was a killer -- and not much else -- for the first thirteen years of my life. I'm twenty-one now, so I'm ... still learning, and unlearning. And I think it's important that you know that I've made peace with the things that I've done. I'm not here as a penance. I'm not trying to do good in order to make up for the blood on my hands. I'm here because I believe it's the right thing to do, to help people when they need it, in the ways that I can help.
I'm still used to that being ... mostly violent. So I will probably make some mistakes. But, um ... if there's anything that you need, and I'm not picking up on it, you can just ask.
no subject
Well, that makes two of us. I'll make mistakes, too. I'm certain of it.
[He hopes she doesn't think too badly of him when he does.]
But we'll do our best to figure it out together.
[He offers a hand to shake.]