Great! We'll have the kids outta there in no ti-- I mean, a month or two! A month or two assuming everything goes according to plan.
[YOU CAN'T CATCH HIM, BUG FLOOD!!!]
Ugh, this stupid flood might almost be worse than the last thing that happened here. At least that alternate barge me wasn't in danger of coughing up crickets or choking on bees trying to have a normal conversation!
[Of course, no one's mentioned bees before now but now that Stan's brought it up, Ford might notice his cheek does look a little swollen. He isn't allergic and he has a large jaw, so it isn't comically over-sized swelling, but it's still there and has been for most of the day.]
I dunno. I was talking to someone on the network, and all of a sudden I had a pissed off bee in my mouth! I... [He frowns.] I don't think I was lying about anything? We didn't even talk that much, just some chit-chat about the flood and how terrible it is.
She broke the news about all the bugs and that it happens when you lie, we bickered a little about whether it was better than the last one or not. It wasn't that though, it was...she pointed out it was just a week and she talked me up a little and when I said I could handle a week of this I got stung.
[This doesn't immediately cause any bees, since he's just recounting what happened. But it doesn't change that he's frustrated about the whole thing, and he crosses his arms.]
The whole thing's stupid. Most of what I do is lie, so it could be pretty much anything!
[That though. That does it. The bee that just appeared hasn't stung him, not yet, but he can feel and hear the buzzing in his mouth, and on instinct he shuts his mouth tight. It doesn't solve the problem, but it certain prevents him from saying things that will make more bees appear.]
Of course, he can't open his mouth and reply, or the bee might move and sting him, so he tries to look as nonchalant as possible. It isn't an answer, but a silent assertion that no, he's fine! He's completely fine, he just has...
...two. He just has two bees in his mouth now. Oh no. He goes from pretending to be okay to not at all okay pretty quick after that. One hand over his mouth, one hand blindly reaching around for the bucket even though bees can fly and a bucket will absolutely not help him.]
[STANFORD PINES HAS NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT HE ASSUMES IT'S BEES AND HE MOVES IN WITH THE FLYSWATTER HELD LIKE A BASEBALL BAT. BRING IT, BEES. NO ONE IS STINGING FORD'S BROTHER WHILE HE'S AROUND. IF HE GETS A SHOT HE'S TAKING IT.]
He can't hide it any longer. The bucket, as previously predicted, doesn't actually help aside from giving him something to hold onto. It's really hard to cough up something that can fly and it takes him a minute or so to encourage them to get the hell out of his mouth - and it's infinitely harder to do with two bees instead of one.
Bee one gets spit out (and seems a little dazed, bobbing around from the high velocity of that) and it's right about then that bee 2 decides it doesn't like being jostled so much.]
Ow! Son of a bitch!
[And there goes bee 2, spit out more easily. Stan sits there afterwards and holds his cheek.]
[Bee 1 receives no mercy. Ford, they're endangered. Ford, they're pollinators. Ford, you could have put them in the greenhouse. Nope, that bee meets its end on the business end of a forty-year-old flyswatter.]
[Stan's still holding his face, but he's trying to shoo bee 2, which has decided it wants to hang around too close to Stan's face now that it's out of his mouth.]
There were two of 'em! Kill it, kill it!
[It doesn't answer either question, but it's the truth, so the flood gives him a pass for it.]
[Well, the good news is, since that bee lived long enough to get shot, there's probably not a stinger embedded in Stan Pines's mouth. It sounds like he got stung, though.
Ford sticks the flyswatter in his belt for easy retrieval. No telling when a bee might resurface, since he hasn't figured out the rule yet. And--]
You'd better ice and disinfect that sting. Hang on.
[Ford heads for another cabinet, starts rummaging around in it.]
[Stan tries to shrug it off, though he doesn't stop Ford from getting whatever he's getting. It always feels a little strange to be doted on though, so he can't help opening his mouth.]
Eh, it's not that bad. It's not like it's the first ti-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
[No, the flood is not kidding. There is yet another bee, but Stan doesn't fuck around spitting it out this time. He's almost got the hang of gagging up something airborne by now!]
[What he wants to say is written all over his face. "Yeah, well, the stupid flood doesn't know what it's talking about." But at the last moment, he hesitates. He's still not really sure what exactly causes bees, and three is enough for the moment.
So he frowns, and takes the water bottle, or the what-used-to-be-water bottle.]
People say subjective junk all the time. That's not really lying.
[And it's not, so nothing happens, but he immediately takes a swig to gargle - as though if that opinion was going to cause a bee, he was going to make sure it was good and dead. As soon as he does he makes a face, both because it's gross and it stings a bit on both the new wound and the sting from this morning.]
[Ford taps his chin, thinking, apparently unaffected by Stan's gross mouth things that are happening.]
Then maybe the flood disagrees with your subjective assessment. Maybe you thought it wasn't that bad, but it actually is. At least as far as whoever's judging objective truth here is concerned.
[Stan makes even more of a face and shakes his head, since he can't exactly talk with this stuff in his mouth. He wants to argue SO BAD.
After a good thirty seconds (is that even long enough? He has no idea) he spits it out in the bug bucket.]
That's dumb! Isn't this stupid thing supposed to just be about lying?! If I don't think it hurts that bad, ain't that my truth? What, does the flood think I'm just ly--
[Oh, he doesn't like that thought. He can feel his foot hovering over the metaphorical landmine that brings up, but that's probably it, isn't it? Because it's a flood and it's gonna be whatever the worst thing is, and it's the worst thing he's thought of so far.
He takes the only way he can think of out of finishing that sentence. He doesn't elaborate or explain - he just decides he wasn't done gargling and takes another swig from the water bottle.]
[And, of course, when Stan spits out the rinse this time there's a very wet and very upset cricket at the bottom of the bucket, because that was a very deliberate attempt to hide whatever realization he had.]
Ugh, that stuff's gross. Whoever disagrees can go fuck himself with a rake. I could cough up bees over anything! I can't even yell about how wrong he is or I'll just get more bugs!
[He waits, as though he sort of expected bugs for that, but technically it's all true. If he yells about how wrong the Authority is, that's another lie he'd be telling himself, and he would definitely get another bee.]
Come to think of it, maybe now's not the best time to talk about long-term plans. What do you think? Should we table it until there's a lower risk of stinging insects?
Pfft. And give the Authority what they want? No way! I'm gonna be at risk of bugs no matter what I do, unless I try to take a vow of silence or something.
[And they both know that's just not going to happen; they don't need bugs to confirm or deny that one.]
[He's not sure the Authority wants them to hold off on talking about their plans. Ford suspects the Authority wants them to talk about lots and lots of important things and gleefully call "bullshit" by inflicting bugs on them.
But Ford wants to talk about this.]
Once I finish the ship, and we get the kids out of Gravity Falls...what're we going to do then?
You've got an inmate, Stan. And I....I've got Bill. I want to be with the kids, but it doesn't feel right to just leave him here while he's still an inmate.
[they've been through a lot together. Ford doesn't see Bill as an unstoppable force anymore, someone who the Barge is barely containing; to him, Bill is a person, a person very afraid of not existing anymore, whose continued existence is in other people's hands.]
[Stan's quiet for a long moment. Then, he seems to realize it's been just a beat too long.]
Sorry, I heard you. I'm just-- [He frowns, trying to think of the most truthful way to say it.] --you know, the bugs. I'm trying not to make the stupid bugs happen. Ugh, trying this hard makes everything so dramatic!
[Just because they're probably going to happen doesn't mean he wants them to, if they can be avoided.]
I think...the kids will be alright once we get them settled wherever. I wanna be with them too, but we weren't with them at home anymore. They were in school and we were on the adventure of a lifetime. And with that ship we can always go back.
[But that's only a piece of it, and it raises the real concern - what are they going to do after? He has thoughts about all of that, about Rhys and Bill - but turns it on Ford.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[YOU CAN'T CATCH HIM, BUG FLOOD!!!]
Ugh, this stupid flood might almost be worse than the last thing that happened here. At least that alternate barge me wasn't in danger of coughing up crickets or choking on bees trying to have a normal conversation!
[Of course, no one's mentioned bees before now but now that Stan's brought it up, Ford might notice his cheek does look a little swollen. He isn't allergic and he has a large jaw, so it isn't comically over-sized swelling, but it's still there and has been for most of the day.]
no subject
[That's significantly more unpleasant than anything Ford's observed so far.]
no subject
I dunno. I was talking to someone on the network, and all of a sudden I had a pissed off bee in my mouth! I... [He frowns.] I don't think I was lying about anything? We didn't even talk that much, just some chit-chat about the flood and how terrible it is.
no subject
[Then it occurs to him what a bad idea this might be.]
--hang on! Just a minute. Don't say anything yet.
[Ford goes over to a cabinet. He pulls out a flyswatter. Comes back.]
Now do you remember what it was you said?
no subject
She broke the news about all the bugs and that it happens when you lie, we bickered a little about whether it was better than the last one or not. It wasn't that though, it was...she pointed out it was just a week and she talked me up a little and when I said I could handle a week of this I got stung.
[This doesn't immediately cause any bees, since he's just recounting what happened. But it doesn't change that he's frustrated about the whole thing, and he crosses his arms.]
The whole thing's stupid. Most of what I do is lie, so it could be pretty much anything!
[That though. That does it. The bee that just appeared hasn't stung him, not yet, but he can feel and hear the buzzing in his mouth, and on instinct he shuts his mouth tight. It doesn't solve the problem, but it certain prevents him from saying things that will make more bees appear.]
no subject
....Stanley?
[Something wrong?]
no subject
Of course, he can't open his mouth and reply, or the bee might move and sting him, so he tries to look as nonchalant as possible. It isn't an answer, but a silent assertion that no, he's fine! He's completely fine, he just has...
...two. He just has two bees in his mouth now. Oh no. He goes from pretending to be okay to not at all okay pretty quick after that. One hand over his mouth, one hand blindly reaching around for the bucket even though bees can fly and a bucket will absolutely not help him.]
no subject
no subject
He can't hide it any longer. The bucket, as previously predicted, doesn't actually help aside from giving him something to hold onto. It's really hard to cough up something that can fly and it takes him a minute or so to encourage them to get the hell out of his mouth - and it's infinitely harder to do with two bees instead of one.
Bee one gets spit out (and seems a little dazed, bobbing around from the high velocity of that) and it's right about then that bee 2 decides it doesn't like being jostled so much.]
Ow! Son of a bitch!
[And there goes bee 2, spit out more easily. Stan sits there afterwards and holds his cheek.]
no subject
Stanley! Are you alright? Did it get you?
no subject
There were two of 'em! Kill it, kill it!
[It doesn't answer either question, but it's the truth, so the flood gives him a pass for it.]
no subject
Then, Ford does what any sane man would do: he pulls out a ray gun and fries it.
There's a scorchmark on the wall with a little bee-shape in the middle. He'll scrub it down later.]
no subject
He feels around his mouth with his tongue, just to make totally sure. It's mostly for show though, and he tries not to touch the new sting too much.]
...Yeah, okay, there were definitely just two. Ugh, bees, am I right?
no subject
Ford sticks the flyswatter in his belt for easy retrieval. No telling when a bee might resurface, since he hasn't figured out the rule yet. And--]
You'd better ice and disinfect that sting. Hang on.
[Ford heads for another cabinet, starts rummaging around in it.]
no subject
Eh, it's not that bad. It's not like it's the first ti-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
[No, the flood is not kidding. There is yet another bee, but Stan doesn't fuck around spitting it out this time. He's almost got the hang of gagging up something airborne by now!]
Ugh, why does this keep happening?!
no subject
it's quiet for a moment.
then, he holsters his gun again.]
That might be the first real clue we have. You said it wasn't that bad. The flood clearly disagrees. But "that bad" is subjective. Here, gargle this.
[He dumps a blue liquid into a bottle of water, shakes it up, then hands it to Stanley. It is gonna taste bad, but not the worst.]
Just don't swallow any.
no subject
[What he wants to say is written all over his face. "Yeah, well, the stupid flood doesn't know what it's talking about." But at the last moment, he hesitates. He's still not really sure what exactly causes bees, and three is enough for the moment.
So he frowns, and takes the water bottle, or the what-used-to-be-water bottle.]
People say subjective junk all the time. That's not really lying.
[And it's not, so nothing happens, but he immediately takes a swig to gargle - as though if that opinion was going to cause a bee, he was going to make sure it was good and dead. As soon as he does he makes a face, both because it's gross and it stings a bit on both the new wound and the sting from this morning.]
no subject
Then maybe the flood disagrees with your subjective assessment. Maybe you thought it wasn't that bad, but it actually is. At least as far as whoever's judging objective truth here is concerned.
no subject
After a good thirty seconds (is that even long enough? He has no idea) he spits it out in the bug bucket.]
That's dumb! Isn't this stupid thing supposed to just be about lying?! If I don't think it hurts that bad, ain't that my truth? What, does the flood think I'm just ly--
[Oh, he doesn't like that thought. He can feel his foot hovering over the metaphorical landmine that brings up, but that's probably it, isn't it? Because it's a flood and it's gonna be whatever the worst thing is, and it's the worst thing he's thought of so far.
He takes the only way he can think of out of finishing that sentence. He doesn't elaborate or explain - he just decides he wasn't done gargling and takes another swig from the water bottle.]
no subject
Did he sincerely think it could be pretty much anything, but the Authority -- who Ford's sure is the one passing judgment on the bees -- didn't?]
I suspect bees show up when you say something you think is true, but the Authority doesn't.
I suggest that, for the rest of the week, you avoid any more "I'm fine"s. Clearly, someone up there disagrees.
[Eyeroll. He knows you're watching.]
no subject
Ugh, that stuff's gross. Whoever disagrees can go fuck himself with a rake. I could cough up bees over anything! I can't even yell about how wrong he is or I'll just get more bugs!
[He waits, as though he sort of expected bugs for that, but technically it's all true. If he yells about how wrong the Authority is, that's another lie he'd be telling himself, and he would definitely get another bee.]
HA! TAKE THAT!
[Because whoever it is is definitely watching.]
no subject
Come to think of it, maybe now's not the best time to talk about long-term plans. What do you think? Should we table it until there's a lower risk of stinging insects?
no subject
[And they both know that's just not going to happen; they don't need bugs to confirm or deny that one.]
no subject
[He's not sure the Authority wants them to hold off on talking about their plans. Ford suspects the Authority wants them to talk about lots and lots of important things and gleefully call "bullshit" by inflicting bugs on them.
But Ford wants to talk about this.]
Once I finish the ship, and we get the kids out of Gravity Falls...what're we going to do then?
You've got an inmate, Stan. And I....I've got Bill. I want to be with the kids, but it doesn't feel right to just leave him here while he's still an inmate.
[they've been through a lot together. Ford doesn't see Bill as an unstoppable force anymore, someone who the Barge is barely containing; to him, Bill is a person, a person very afraid of not existing anymore, whose continued existence is in other people's hands.]
no subject
Sorry, I heard you. I'm just-- [He frowns, trying to think of the most truthful way to say it.] --you know, the bugs. I'm trying not to make the stupid bugs happen. Ugh, trying this hard makes everything so dramatic!
[Just because they're probably going to happen doesn't mean he wants them to, if they can be avoided.]
I think...the kids will be alright once we get them settled wherever. I wanna be with them too, but we weren't with them at home anymore. They were in school and we were on the adventure of a lifetime. And with that ship we can always go back.
[But that's only a piece of it, and it raises the real concern - what are they going to do after? He has thoughts about all of that, about Rhys and Bill - but turns it on Ford.]
...What do you want to do?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)