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[mothmansplaining]

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credit

"Stanford Pines. Leave a message."

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[tetractys]

A long exhale.

"I DON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM, I WAS HOPING WE COULD... MAKE A NEW ONE."

Like the other Ford and Bill? Yes? Except not like them, they're awful.

[mothmansplaining]

Oh.

"You want to..."

Go to the mindscape. Definitely have mind sex. Right now.

"We only started kissing without mistletoe influence ten minutes ago," he says, more startled than anything. That's fast even by horny-alien-in-bar standards. "For someone who's capable of waiting for millennia, you're moving very fast."

[tetractys]

Bill knows he's right and feels a little weird about it so he goes on offensive and rolls his eye up to heaven.

"I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET IN YOUR STUPID ... TACTICAL PANTS FOR FIFTEEN YEARS. I'VE TAKEN YOU OUT TO DATES MULTIPLE TIMES! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO JUST SAY YA DON'T WANT TO, BUT THIS ISN'T NEW FOR ME. IT'S OLD! OLD LIKE YOU!"

[mothmansplaining]

"Wait, what dates?"

This is new. This is very new information for Ford Pines.

[tetractys]

"DIDJA EVER NOTICE THAT BOTH TIMES I CAPTURED YOU WE HAD DRINKS TOGETHER? ONE TIME I SANG YOU A SONG, AND ANOTHER TIME I OFFERED TO PLAY DUNGEONS AND MORE DUNGEONS WHICH I DON'T EVEN LIKE?"

That last part wouldn't have come out if not for the chemical help.

[mothmansplaining]

"Those weren't dates, I was captured!"

And oh no, Bill just offered to play DD&MD to get close to him? Are you a fake geek girl, Bill Cipher

"And how was I supposed to know you didn't actually want to play?"

[tetractys]

Because Bill hates rules and DD&MD's rule books are absolute doorstops. But -

"I DO WANT TO! I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU."

[mothmansplaining]

That throws Ford off for a second, because it's actually kind of a nice thing to say. Huh.

But he rallies.

"But I didn't know those were dates, Bill. You might have been on a date, but I was looking for a way to escape!"

consent issues warning probably

[tetractys]

Now, this is a mildly horrifying thing to say, but Bill totally breezes past all of that.

"I GAVE YOU LOTS OF BIG CLUES!"

He teleports to the piano bench and plays some clomping notes.

[mothmansplaining]

"I thought you were just being infuriatingly classy!"

Drives him nuts how stylish Bill can be sometimes. They both breeze past the horror of being flirted with while afraid for your life.

[tetractys]

"AWW, YOU THINK I'M CLASSY."

Eyelash flutter. Bill, you just kissed. Literally like a minute ago.

"BUT SOMEONE BEING CLASSY ON PURPOSE AT YOU IS FLIRTING! THAT'S IN THE RULES!"

He plays a flourish on the keys; QED.

[mothmansplaining]

"Is it?"

Ford sounds very doubtful.

"What if they're just trying to rub it in your face that they have it all together and you're tied to their wall?"

[tetractys]

Lol, guilty.

"WELL, THAT WAS HAPPENING TOO! YOUR SECRET ADVANTAGE IN THAT SITUATION IS THAT YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD TIED UP."

[mothmansplaining]

Ford's face had just started to get back to its normal color, but whoops, all that work's for nothing now. He sputters.

"You were looking at me?!"

How is he supposed to feel about that? Ford has some very mixed emotions sloshing around his brain.

[tetractys]

"I'M ALWAYS LOOKING AT THINGS!"

And that's the flippant answer, but Bill doesn't leave it there. He does a swoon over the keys.

"OH NO, I'M CAPTURED AND PINNED TO THE WALL BY A CLASSY AND HANDSOME GUY! WHO KNOWS WHAT ME AND MY HOT LEGS ARE GOING TO DO IN THIS STICKY SITUATION?"

Bill sits back up.

"AND THEN NEITHER OF US DID ANYTHING! SO YOU CAN SEE WHY I GET A LITTLE FRUSTRATED!"

[mothmansplaining]

He's flabbergasted.

He is trying to think through the champagne and the years, to reframe some of his and Bill's big interactions.

Bill was a monster. An absolute monster. But he did tie Ford up a lot. Drinks were involved. Ford had been very worried about many other things at the time. But some of what happened is....suspect.

"Oh. Oh, you were flirting."

[tetractys]

Bill appears next to Ford to thump him on the back with a tiny hand.

"YEAAAAH, YOU GOT IT."

[mothmansplaining]

He drags his hands down his face and groans.

"I had no idea."

[tetractys]

"I KNOW!" Cheery. "INCIDENTALLY, IF WE DECIDE TO MAKE THIS A THING I'D LOVE TO GET A 'TAKE TWO' ON SOME OF THOSE."

Bill, no.

[mothmansplaining]

He wants to do what?!

"All right, all right, just -- slow down," says Ford, holding his hands up and pushing them away a little. It's not a hard-stop, but he's a little overwhelmed.

"This has only been a thing for me for fifteen minutes. I can't think about -- about role-playing the times you've captured me. I'm still trying to figure out where I stand on sleeping with you!"

He looks at Bill sideways.

"I didn't even know we were sexually compatible," he adds.

[tetractys]

"IT SOUNDS WEIRD WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT!"

That's because its weird.

"OH RIGHT! I GOT OFF TRACK. WE AREN'T. BUuuUUT..."

In the mindscape they are!

[mothmansplaining]

"Are you saying the mindscape would....change that?"

[tetractys]

"YEAH, I CAN SHAPESHIFT THERE!"

Everybody can, technically.

Hm.

"SO CAN YOU, IF YOU WANT TO TRY BEING A TRIANGLE! EXCEPT DON'T DO THAT, I DON'T RECOMMEND IT."

[mothmansplaining]

"What's so bad about it?" Ford asks. "I've always wanted to try out the whole being-of-pure-math-and-energy thing."

[tetractys]

"MOSTLY IN THIS CASE BECAUSE SHACKING UP ISN'T WORTH THE TIME IT'D TAKE TO DESCRIBE IT."