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[mothmansplaining]

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"Stanford Pines. Leave a message."

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[mothmansplaining]

...Ford could tell him from experience exactly what that what-if is like. He usually doesn't even try. And they disappear. Or he disappears into the next dimension. Or they get married, and they're better off without him. And it can be gotten over and moved on from, except Ford's never really gotten over it, has he? The what-ifs and the regrets, he ignores them most of the time but they're still there, waiting to pop up again the next time something reminds him of what he wanted but never had.

"If your plan works, we'll be in a new world soon," Ford suggests, instead of sharing any of those regrets. "One where people don't vanish for extradimensional reasons beyond their understanding."

[tetractys]

"PEOPLE ALSO DIE PERMANENTLY OUTSIDE OF THE BARGE! I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU THIS OR IF YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO RUN AWAY WITH YOU."

It could really go either way.

[mothmansplaining]

There is a brief internal war inside Stanford Pines, where he can't decide if he's shocked, shocked at the implication, or if he wants to laugh. It winds up being a little bit of A, then a little bit of B.

"I was trying to make you feel better," he says. "I told you I was bad at it.

"Ah, well," Ford sighs, looking up at the portal. "I think we might be past the question of whether or not you'd run away with me."

[tetractys]

Bill hesitates a beat, then pats his hand.

"I KNOW THIS IS ALL GONNA COME BACK TO HURT ME. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN. AND IT'S OKAY! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING DUMB LIKE TELL PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT THEM. I'M NOT GONNA BLAME YOU."

[mothmansplaining]

He accepts the hand-pat, neither pulling away nor trying to keep it there.

"I wish I could say it wouldn't," Ford admits. "I hurt the people around me all the time! Even when I don't mean to. Even if -- if you did try, I'd probably do something stupid sooner or later and blow the whole thing."

[tetractys]

Bill twists around.

"HEYY, ALRIGHT, JUST NOW WASN'T A BIG DEAL. I JUST ASSUMED THE WORST AND I TOLD YA WHY."

What's up with your self-esteem today, buddy? u ok?

[mothmansplaining]

Ha ha ha, what do you mean "today?"

Though it's true that very soon he is going to do something stupid that's going to do some real damage to his friendships. Break a lot of trust. It's worth it, in Ford's opinion, but it's still a thing he's doing.

"But it's true," Ford insists. "Either something happens and the whole thing blows up, or I give up before I begin. I solve my relationship problems by jumping into wormholes, Bill!" He shakes his head.

[tetractys]

Bill is very dry. "BUT YA DON'T NEED MANAGING."

[mothmansplaining]

"I don't know. I know I don't want to be! You said yourself you couldn't make it work long-term if you're the one making decisions for both of us," Ford says. "So we're both stuck wanting this to happen but not sure we wouldn't break something doing it."

He leans back and looks up at the fluid color star-scape. "What if you just told me if you thought I was making a mistake, instead of sneaking around trying to get me to not make it?"

[tetractys]

com...mun... i...cate .. . . . . . . ? ¿ ?

"AAH, I THINK IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN, IF I'M PULLING BACK SO YOU DON'T GO TOO FAR, OR PUSHING ON SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE GIVING AWAY, BRINGING IT UP WOULD JUST GET ME A BUNCH OF DENIAL."

[mothmansplaining]

A hand comes back up to Ford's face and muffles his sigh.

"This is very complicated," he says. "And we aren't even...doing the human squishy mouth thing."

[tetractys]

That sounds very funny in Ford's deep, serious voice.

"WHAT IF I GIVE A SIGNAL WHEN I SERIOUSLY NEED YOU TO THINK ABOUT AN ANSWER AND NOT JUST - JUST GET ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE WHAT I SAID WAS UNCOMFORTABLE?"

That way he could let Ford know when he's about to make a guess and a decision instead of just... making it.

[mothmansplaining]

He blinks at Bill.

Thinks about it. Turns it over in his mind once or twice.

"I...could try that," he says, slowly. If the alternative is manipulation, then...maybe Ford can work on being better at confronting uncomfortable things. He's cautiously open to this.

"But what should the signal be?"

Double middle fingers would probably not help with the knee jerk anger, but they're drunk-Ford's first thought.

[tetractys]

"I COULD BEEP YOUR NOSE!. .. BUT I WANT TO DO THAT ALL THE TIME. YOU JUST HAVE FLESH RIGHT THERE, IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FACE! STICKING RIGHT OUT! LIKE A BUTTON!"

What was he talking about?

"IMAGINE IF I HAD A NOSE."

Get back on track.

"HOW ABOUT, UHH-"

Bill whaps Ford in the head with his cane, very gently.

No, Bill.

[mothmansplaining]

...Bill getting distracted talking about noses is stupid endearing and Ford needs to not think about it, because he does not need warm feelings about Bill Cipher. Bill is also drunk, so he might miss the expression Ford can't repress of fond amusement -- that disappears when Bill whacks his head, and he flinches.

There's a little clang.

"Absolutely not," Ford says, scowling. "The point is to keep me from getting angry at you."

[tetractys]

Is it, though?

"WHAT ABOUT-"

Bill vanishes the cane and holds up his hand, fingers spread, arm extended out like he's signaling for stop, wait a minute.

[mothmansplaining]

Ford considers it.

It has the benefit of being remote, so Bill doesn't have to get in close when Ford is already mad. It also has the benefit of not being personally embarrassing or painful. It's quite serious, not comedic or tension-breaking.

"That could work."

[tetractys]

"HOW ABOUT A TEST?"

Bill wiggles his fingers and re-settles into the gesture.

"DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP MAKING EYES AT YOU, SO YOU CAN DO THE RIGHT THING BY SAYING 'NO,' BUT STILL GET TO FEEL NICE ABOUT THE COMPLIMENT?"

Because that's Bill's best guess of how this works.

[mothmansplaining]

Ford's composure flickers again, because that's not how he'd put it, that's not fair, it's --

...

Okay. Calm down. Stop and think. This is Bill asking him what he wants instead of assuming and pushing forward, and Ford needs to give it a chance.

Does he want Bill to keep flirting, or does he want Bill to stop?

If he asks Bill to stop, Bill will stop.

Ford imagines the rest of their relationship with Bill not flirting at all. Nothing. Just professional, just...their weird rapport, such as it is.

He thinks about the time they kissed.

"I," he says, slowly, "don't want you to stop."

[tetractys]

Bill drops the hand, no need to torture the poor guy.

"MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET! I'LL TAKE IT!"

Test successful!

He zooms in to plant his elbow on Ford's shoulder.

[mothmansplaining]

Ugh. Self-reflection is hard. All Bill has to do when Ford makes his gesture is stop. Stopping's easy! Ford has to figure out his own emotions.

It feels unfair.

But since when has Bill had anything to do with fairness? If he can't have fair, Ford'll take 'functioning.'

Wow, Bill is suddenly very close? Ford startles, blinks, remains red, and freezes up, because having just confessed that he's interested in an ongoing relationship where Bill flirts over one where Bill doesn't flirt combined with the immediate proximity has left him temporarily too gay to function.

[tetractys]

Bill pokes him in the cheek, very romantically.

"THIS IS GONNA SHOCK YOU, KID,"

The scoop of the century, an absolute game-changer, hold onto your hats -

"- BUT I JUST LIKE GETTING A REACTION. I'M NOT HERE TO JUDGE!"

Then he giggles and rubs his whole hand on Ford's cheek.

[mothmansplaining]

"Yes, I...I figured that out about you."

Ford does pull back, there. Because he's being teased, and though it's not the most upsetting thing that's happened to him, stepping back is more dignified than standing there letting Bill touch him and wishing they were kissing like an idiot.

He's basically just given Bill permission to tease him as much as he wants. Was this really a good idea?

The champagne says it was a good idea. The champagne says a better idea would be to take him up on it. Ha, you thought he wouldn't, how does it feel to be wrong, Bill? Very good, probably, if they're kissing. Which they could be.

Ford listens to the champagne, but instead of following its advice, he knocks back the rest of what's in the flute.

"So," he says, "what now?"

[tetractys]

"YOU'RE JUST SO CUTE. HOW ARE YOU SO TOUGH AND ALSO SO CUTE?"

More cheek pokes. Beep. Bop.

"I DON'T KNOW! I'VE SAID MY PIECE."

[mothmansplaining]

"I don't know," Ford shoots back, waving the poking away briskly. "How are you so malevolent and still so personally compelling?"