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"I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY IN MY CORNER EXCEPT ME! I LIKE ME, AND I FIGHT FOR ME, BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA!"
Bill swipes away the image of the dream-Bill and goes to sit in his place.
"SO YEAH, I'D DO IT AGAIN! AND YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT THE QUESTION I ASKED WHEN I FIRST SHOWED UP!"
Bill swipes away the image of the dream-Bill and goes to sit in his place.
"SO YEAH, I'D DO IT AGAIN! AND YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT THE QUESTION I ASKED WHEN I FIRST SHOWED UP!"
Anger flashes through Ford again, not in a way he would describe as acidic given that he is familiar what it is like to have acid pass through you, but hot and burning anyway. Seeing Bill take that other Bill's place, hearing him say no one else is ever going to fight for him, makes Ford erupt. He waves a hand, shoving Bill out of the place he's chosen to occupy, hopefully onto the ground.
"Are you kidding?" he snaps, taking a step forward. "Do you have any idea how many people on this barge are protecting you, Cipher? Who have told me specifically not to try to kill you? I know for a fact that Luke would protect you, and Dillon, and possibly Jean -- and last I checked, Quentin called you a friend! I might not agree with them, and I might think it's a colossally stupid idea, but that doesn't change the fact that you're not the only one fighting for you anymore!"
A breath in. Then, Ford gestures to himself with both hands. "For crying out loud, I came to get you from the freezer!" He jabs a finger in Bill's direction. "I'm furious with you, Cipher, for everything you did in the Bargeyard, and I'd kill you in an instant and damn the consequences if I knew it'd work, but I think you're different! You're like the other Bills, but you're not the same as them anymore! I'm doing things that are definitely not making me any more of a good person or getting me back to my family any time soon for your sake because I need to get you to a Barge where maybe, one day, you'll graduate! If I didn't think you'd changed, that you had a capacity that they didn't--" It takes a split second to imagine it. "...I'd probably still be following you around, but I'd hate it much more."
He doesn't want to talk about him being a freak. He'd much rather yell.
"Are you kidding?" he snaps, taking a step forward. "Do you have any idea how many people on this barge are protecting you, Cipher? Who have told me specifically not to try to kill you? I know for a fact that Luke would protect you, and Dillon, and possibly Jean -- and last I checked, Quentin called you a friend! I might not agree with them, and I might think it's a colossally stupid idea, but that doesn't change the fact that you're not the only one fighting for you anymore!"
A breath in. Then, Ford gestures to himself with both hands. "For crying out loud, I came to get you from the freezer!" He jabs a finger in Bill's direction. "I'm furious with you, Cipher, for everything you did in the Bargeyard, and I'd kill you in an instant and damn the consequences if I knew it'd work, but I think you're different! You're like the other Bills, but you're not the same as them anymore! I'm doing things that are definitely not making me any more of a good person or getting me back to my family any time soon for your sake because I need to get you to a Barge where maybe, one day, you'll graduate! If I didn't think you'd changed, that you had a capacity that they didn't--" It takes a split second to imagine it. "...I'd probably still be following you around, but I'd hate it much more."
He doesn't want to talk about him being a freak. He'd much rather yell.
Bill wasn't expecting this, and does get knocked down. "AGH!"
He listens, and his expression closes shut at the mention of people who have defended him. Jean, and Dillon, and Quentin and Luke: four people he has specifically been manipulating. This is not an accident, and if they suspect Bill has been tailoring behavior and information, they can't know how much, or to what ends he's using them for, or they'd be gone already.
(Ford should be gone already.)
Speaking of that, Bill rises to his feet when Ford mentions himself, though, little hands balled into fists. All he can think about is how much better Ford's life was in timelines where he never met Bill.
"YOU JUST HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON ME!"
He listens, and his expression closes shut at the mention of people who have defended him. Jean, and Dillon, and Quentin and Luke: four people he has specifically been manipulating. This is not an accident, and if they suspect Bill has been tailoring behavior and information, they can't know how much, or to what ends he's using them for, or they'd be gone already.
(Ford should be gone already.)
Speaking of that, Bill rises to his feet when Ford mentions himself, though, little hands balled into fists. All he can think about is how much better Ford's life was in timelines where he never met Bill.
"YOU JUST HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON ME!"
That curveball hits him hard and with dizzying speed. "W-what?" Seriously, what. Where is this coming from. He thought they weren't going to talk about their other selves. "No, I don't!"
Ford's going to need a second to muster up a more eloquent defense.
Ford's going to need a second to muster up a more eloquent defense.
Angrier: "No, I don't! Just because another version of me made some VERY questionable decisions in another universe doesn't mean I have feelings for you, Cipher!"
Edited 2018-06-23 04:22 (UTC)
"WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS?"
Bill drags both hands down his eyelids.
"UUUUUAH, FINE. FINE! YOU'RE JUST A GREAT GUY! REAL ALTRUISTIC!"
Bill abruptly turns and swings a kick at the top of a building. It crumbles. If Ford didn't have a dumb crush, he'd have literally nothing to gain from this. There's no guilt in him any more, but it's left behind a cold certainty that Ford shouldn't be sacrificing anything else for Bill. Definitely not on purpose. Is he going to say that? Fuck no, dude.
"DON'T MAKE ME ARGUE AGAINST REASONS YOU SHOULD LIKE ME! THAT'S TOTALLY COUNTER TO MY INTERESTS!"
Bill drags both hands down his eyelids.
"UUUUUAH, FINE. FINE! YOU'RE JUST A GREAT GUY! REAL ALTRUISTIC!"
Bill abruptly turns and swings a kick at the top of a building. It crumbles. If Ford didn't have a dumb crush, he'd have literally nothing to gain from this. There's no guilt in him any more, but it's left behind a cold certainty that Ford shouldn't be sacrificing anything else for Bill. Definitely not on purpose. Is he going to say that? Fuck no, dude.
"DON'T MAKE ME ARGUE AGAINST REASONS YOU SHOULD LIKE ME! THAT'S TOTALLY COUNTER TO MY INTERESTS!"
He's not staying with Bill because he's hoping for makeouts. Ford isn't gunning for graduation because he wants to be kissing Bill Cipher. He very much doesn't want to be doing that at the moment, actually, and if it were tried, it'd get Bill a punch in the mouth.
What it is is responsibility. Conviction that he's the best man for the job. Being in a unique position to make this happen. A vital task he'd thought he'd finished but hadn't. Fear of what will happen if he fails. A need for peace of mind. It's too soon for anything more complicated to take root; it could be done, especially given Ford's relatively recent conviction that it's not too late for anyone to change: he believes that, and he's sticking to it. But it would take work, and right now, Ford's too angry about Stan, about losing, about the other Bill being every bit as much of a fucker as Ford remembers and this Bill going along with it because he likes his even-more-terrible alternate selves, about having to put aside what he wants for Bill to process any emotion but resentment.
"You don't have to, because I can't think of any! Why the heck do you think that after everything you've done to me and my family, I'd even consider--ugh! No wonder you like the other Bills so much: I've never met anyone as full of themselves!" (This is said without a trace of irony.) "Besides, why are you bringing this up now?" he demands furiously. "I thought we were going to leave our lunatic alternate selves out of this!"
What it is is responsibility. Conviction that he's the best man for the job. Being in a unique position to make this happen. A vital task he'd thought he'd finished but hadn't. Fear of what will happen if he fails. A need for peace of mind. It's too soon for anything more complicated to take root; it could be done, especially given Ford's relatively recent conviction that it's not too late for anyone to change: he believes that, and he's sticking to it. But it would take work, and right now, Ford's too angry about Stan, about losing, about the other Bill being every bit as much of a fucker as Ford remembers and this Bill going along with it because he likes his even-more-terrible alternate selves, about having to put aside what he wants for Bill to process any emotion but resentment.
"You don't have to, because I can't think of any! Why the heck do you think that after everything you've done to me and my family, I'd even consider--ugh! No wonder you like the other Bills so much: I've never met anyone as full of themselves!" (This is said without a trace of irony.) "Besides, why are you bringing this up now?" he demands furiously. "I thought we were going to leave our lunatic alternate selves out of this!"
"Alright." Dillon says, after watching some the wake of this terse answer play out in Ford's Face.
"Three things. One, figure out better safeties. You never know when you're going to be replaced around here, by who or by what, or how you might be compromised or fall under influence. Two, I would - strongly urge you not to cut the substance of the barge itself under any circumstances. It's a living creature that does its best to shield and sustain us."
Hurting it seems vastly unlikely to improve any given dire situation.
"Three - he's been getting in your head lately." Dillon doesn't elaborate, giving Ford a chance to respond to any of that.
"Three things. One, figure out better safeties. You never know when you're going to be replaced around here, by who or by what, or how you might be compromised or fall under influence. Two, I would - strongly urge you not to cut the substance of the barge itself under any circumstances. It's a living creature that does its best to shield and sustain us."
Hurting it seems vastly unlikely to improve any given dire situation.
"Three - he's been getting in your head lately." Dillon doesn't elaborate, giving Ford a chance to respond to any of that.
"Let's get one thing straight, Bill," Ford says, pun entirely unintended. "I've made my decision to see this through, and it has nothing at all to do with a crush. That doesn't exist and never will. Because you're a jerk."
There, okay, fine, now they're done. They can be off the subject now that Ford's had the last word.
There, okay, fine, now they're done. They can be off the subject now that Ford's had the last word.
"YEAH! I AM A JERK!"
Bill opens his hand and the green ring appears in it. The one Alan gave him. You know the one.
He tosses it to Ford. It's a dream. It'll fit.
"WANNA TRY THAT AGAIN?"
A glance over Ford's shoulder again as he says this. Feel free to take both meanings.
Bill opens his hand and the green ring appears in it. The one Alan gave him. You know the one.
He tosses it to Ford. It's a dream. It'll fit.
"WANNA TRY THAT AGAIN?"
A glance over Ford's shoulder again as he says this. Feel free to take both meanings.
"Hm?" Ford catches the ring without thinking about it -- it might have been a grenade, and it wouldn't have made a difference. What is in his hands only registers when he looks down at it and recognizes it.
He scowls. "That won't tell us anything! I might trust this ring in the real world," Ford says, "but in a dream, it's unreliable. You could make it light up whenever you want!" He tosses the ring back. "It's too easy to influence. I won't use it."
He scowls. "That won't tell us anything! I might trust this ring in the real world," Ford says, "but in a dream, it's unreliable. You could make it light up whenever you want!" He tosses the ring back. "It's too easy to influence. I won't use it."
Edited 2018-06-28 17:04 (UTC)
"It'll be all right," Ford says grimly, rubbing his eyes. "All we have to do is never bring up anything our alternate selves did or said ever again. That way, we can keep our minds off of parallel universes with embarrassing romantic entanglements and catastrophes that are out of our hands and focus on the mission."
Perfect solution. Never forgive, never forget, but when your tunnel vision is fixed on the goal, it's like it's not there, right?
Perfect solution. Never forgive, never forget, but when your tunnel vision is fixed on the goal, it's like it's not there, right?
The first one -- Ford doesn't need to say fair enough for it to come across. He really hasn't considered the possibility that he himself might be compromised and use the knife for unnecessary destruction. So, yes, he'll rework the design. No arguments.
No arguments against not cutting the Barge. Surprise, yes, at the idea that the ship is alive, but not as much as there could be. It's not an "oh, my god, it's alive!" It's just an "Oh."
Three, though, makes Ford frown. He knows who his mind jumps to, and shutters immediately close behind his eyes. It takes a second to open them again. "So, you know about that. Listen, I can't keep him out when I'm recovering in the infirmary. It doesn't have an access filter and it isn't warded against him. ...I should probably look into that," Ford adds as an afterthought. Not a bad idea, honestly, given how often he's wound up there. He's taking this entirely literally and assuming Dillon means how Bill never stays out of his dreams when Ford is death tolling outside his cabin, because of course it isn't figurative, why would it be?
No arguments against not cutting the Barge. Surprise, yes, at the idea that the ship is alive, but not as much as there could be. It's not an "oh, my god, it's alive!" It's just an "Oh."
Three, though, makes Ford frown. He knows who his mind jumps to, and shutters immediately close behind his eyes. It takes a second to open them again. "So, you know about that. Listen, I can't keep him out when I'm recovering in the infirmary. It doesn't have an access filter and it isn't warded against him. ...I should probably look into that," Ford adds as an afterthought. Not a bad idea, honestly, given how often he's wound up there. He's taking this entirely literally and assuming Dillon means how Bill never stays out of his dreams when Ford is death tolling outside his cabin, because of course it isn't figurative, why would it be?
Edited 2018-06-28 18:25 (UTC)
"Wait, I'm the problem?" Ford asks with a flare of temper, gesturing at his own chest. This feels like a deeply unfair accusation to him, especially considering just how much resentment he is trying to barrel past for a goal that will primarily benefit Bill. "How can you say that when I'm trying to look past how you helped destroy thirty years of work?!" Aren't they on the same page about this? Isn't it better if they just leave that, all of that, in the past?
...oh, that does it. Of all the stuck-up self-satisfied clueless egomania--!
Fine. He'll play. Ford holds up a six-fingered hand. There's a flash, and a familiar green ring appears on it. His jaw clenches. "Watch closely." He holds it with the back of his hand facing Bill as he says:
"I'm helping you find a competent Admiral because I need to know you're not going to collapse a universe's natural laws and destroy the lives of everyone in it. Not because of romantic feelings. Which I don't have!"
This is the truth as Ford believes it. He believes it a lot. The ring stays inert.
"There's your proof, Bill. Now, can we move on to things that are actually important, or do I have to say it in Martian?"
Fine. He'll play. Ford holds up a six-fingered hand. There's a flash, and a familiar green ring appears on it. His jaw clenches. "Watch closely." He holds it with the back of his hand facing Bill as he says:
"I'm helping you find a competent Admiral because I need to know you're not going to collapse a universe's natural laws and destroy the lives of everyone in it. Not because of romantic feelings. Which I don't have!"
This is the truth as Ford believes it. He believes it a lot. The ring stays inert.
"There's your proof, Bill. Now, can we move on to things that are actually important, or do I have to say it in Martian?"
Bill looks, frankly, baffled. It's a quick flash of emotion, then it clears - Ford just said himself that the ring wouldn't be accurate in a dream. Sneaky.
"SURE! YOU GET THAT WHEN I GRADUATE I'M NOT GOING TO BE DEAD, RIGHT? NOT THAT I'M TRYING TO TALK YOU OUT OF IT. YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY HELP!"
"SURE! YOU GET THAT WHEN I GRADUATE I'M NOT GOING TO BE DEAD, RIGHT? NOT THAT I'M TRYING TO TALK YOU OUT OF IT. YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY HELP!"
That's the face of a triangle who is still convinced Ford is pining after him. Or -- no, more likely, just making fun of him. Yeah, that's probably it. In which case, he's just wasting his time. The ring disappears in another flash.
"I know that! But I have to believe that by the time the Admiral -- the new Admiral -- lets you go, you'll have changed enough that you won't be quite so..." Ford pauses, looking for the right word. "...cosmos-cidal."
"I know that! But I have to believe that by the time the Admiral -- the new Admiral -- lets you go, you'll have changed enough that you won't be quite so..." Ford pauses, looking for the right word. "...cosmos-cidal."
Oh right! That topic he's been avoiding by needling Ford about other topics instead.
It's not Ford's job, is the thing. Bill assumes he doesn't trust Luke to do it? Or -
Ah. Well, this was an unintentional effect of Bill letting his frustration get the better of him. He runs a little hot and cold on Ford, sometimes. Right now he's pretty sure this is more complicated than he wants it to be. He was absolutely not kidding when he said he doesn't want to end up like that other Bill. Especially now that Ford is a literal spell weakness.
Right. So, the reason we're here. Bill is going to brush off the unintentional reminder of what happened yesterday. (Everything is going to remind him of yesterday for awhile.)
"YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER. YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT PLATE I COULD JUST JAM A BUNCH OF SPELL KNOWLEDGE STRAIGHT INTO YOUR HEAD."
A big leather-bound book with a whirring drill-bit attached to it appears near Ford's head to jab at him.
It's not Ford's job, is the thing. Bill assumes he doesn't trust Luke to do it? Or -
Ah. Well, this was an unintentional effect of Bill letting his frustration get the better of him. He runs a little hot and cold on Ford, sometimes. Right now he's pretty sure this is more complicated than he wants it to be. He was absolutely not kidding when he said he doesn't want to end up like that other Bill. Especially now that Ford is a literal spell weakness.
Right. So, the reason we're here. Bill is going to brush off the unintentional reminder of what happened yesterday. (Everything is going to remind him of yesterday for awhile.)
"YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER. YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT PLATE I COULD JUST JAM A BUNCH OF SPELL KNOWLEDGE STRAIGHT INTO YOUR HEAD."
A big leather-bound book with a whirring drill-bit attached to it appears near Ford's head to jab at him.
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